I did not sleep well last night....did not fall asleep until after 2:30am. Got up at 9:30am even though I was still very tired.

Mom called me at 11am and asked me if I would help her out by hauling some cement stones for her in my pickup so i picked her up to go and do that. I was glad to help her out by haveing a pick up to haul stuff in for her. But I was dreading the physical part of it as I knew physically I could not help her much in the moving of those stones.

My contribution was scooting those 30 pound blocks to the edge of my tail gate for her to carry all the way to the back yard....I had to tell her that there was no way I could carry even one of them for her to the back...I would have had a heart attack if I tried......yes physically I am becomming disabled in many ways.

If I stand for more than 5 mins i have horriable lower back spasms due to my large and growing stomach(hence why i hate to cook now as I cant stand long enough to do any prep or be at the stove to cook now).

At work I do Joes cares in stages now...lift him and sit, take his brace off and sit, change his attends and sit, reposition him and sit again. I cant do everything in one setting anymore. Walking across the room I will get out of breath. My resting heart rate is in the 90's. So every daily living activity is a high heart rate activity for me...showering and dressing and doing laundery etc all are like an exercise workout for me with my heart rate getting into the upper 180's just doing the simplest of tasks now. and if I walk anywhere it shoots up into the 200's......I am a mess!!!!!!!!

So I recommited myself to the High 5 goal, and stepped on the scales for the first time in many weeks and I hated what I saw. I changed my ticker. Now I just have to change my life!