Thursday, April 22, 2010
I've been away from Spark for about a month now. It was a pretty ugly month but that is in the past and there is no value in the self-pity party I could throw for myself here. Instead, I have been focusing for the last week on the idea of renewal -- in several aspects of my life.
Each weekend, my family goes to the house and works to inventory our personal belongings. It gets entered into a spreadsheet, pictures taken and then into the dumpster it goes. This has been a difficult process for each of us but for different reasons. For me, it is the sentimental items that have caused the most pain...my mother's dining table, the Waterford crystal that I worked so hard to buy in Ireland and get to the US in one piece, my son's first Xmas ornament. For my husband, it's his IT equipment that he worked for several years to configure and make work. For our son, it was all his toys and video games (somehow he doesn't miss his books which proves he is not really MY son). So we are each sad at different times but why?
These are just material possessions and do not define who we are. But rather they prove that we had truly accumulated a lot of stuff. Stuff that we hardly (if ever) used and we hung onto for some "reason". Even though I no longer have her table, my mother is still with me and I can finally get past my petty issues and see that. Would I like to have my son's xmas ornament back...yes I would...as I had it specially made with the date and his name engraved. But I have him with me and after seeing the devastation to the basement that he was in by himself that day...I realize how truly lucky I am to have him with me today.
As part of the self-renewal process, we are looking to simplify our existence...none of us are in big hurry to acquire a lot of things and we are being more selective about what we bring into our home. Personally, I see that this event has the potential to knock me sideways and send me into a permanent spiral. I started down that spiral and self-medicated with lots of junk food and apathy.
Then I started to feel really crappy -- tired, listless, couldn't sleep. Hmmm...wonder why? Decided I was disgusted by what I was becoming...joined a gym last week and each night my son and I go for an hour to exercise. Amazing...I am sleeping like a log now. As for those extra pounds that crept back on...well I have given them their eviction notice as well. I will not say I am perfect or "on plan"...each day is an adventure right now...as home life is very stressful right now and work is equally so. But I am getting up each morning and doing my best to rebuild healthy habits. It truly beats the alternative.
Just to prove that we are adjusting fine to the new lifestyle...here's a pic of the dog...if she's happy everyone's happy...forget that old adage about Momma.