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A journey that no one would believe

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

many years ago. i can remember sittin in my bedroom very skinny an listening to my mother cry. my heart breaking. cause she would shed tears over her size an the lack of respect she got due to her size. i never understood it. cause in my mind. my mother ruled the world. she could do everything. an damn near did everything. she is wonder woman in manyways. but she let the lack of men an romance in her life define who she was. as i went threw high school i swore that i would stay slim ...never to be my mother. i loved an still love my mother. we are very close an only 20 years apart. but i swore an hoped i would never be my mother. an for many years after high school. i never was. until i met a very violent male. (didnt know that he was violent till i was trapped in a loveless domestic violence relationship) but i digress..he would be me an choke me everyday...all becuase his friends found me attactive due to bein slim an attactive. so i packed on teh pounds. well then he had friends that liked i still got beat. many years later...i finally escaped an loss all the woot i was finally thin again. an then one day. i met this wonderful man...(lol so i thoguht) who convienced me to allow him to get me pregnant. yes my son was planned. well i was high risk. an the medicines side effects cause 100pounds of chemical weight gain..lets just say...not the best thing in the world to deal with. but i did manage to have a beautiful son. an no longer with that guy. but that left me very very large. now im considered morbidly obese. an due to the fact that the shots made me large. its alot harder to lose the weight. an my son is now soon to be 7. an to top it off i now have been diagnosed with several heart issues an as of a few days ago..i was in the er an it is believed i may have fibromyalgia. the pain is very exercise is hard. but it hasnt stopped me from tryin. so even with the fact that i am in more pain that even child birth felt like to me. i actually still kept my word an started my diet on mondy. an to me that was pure strength. an determination. you cant give up on tryin. its just part of the spark
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is a journey of a lifetime for YOU & you are worth it!!! I also have fibromyalgia & it totally sucks, because I am affected in all 18 trigger points, but guess what? I'm dealing with it & refuse to let it control my life. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of days in which the pain is so severe, I want to crawl in a hole & die, but I don't!!! Since August of last year, (started SP a little later, again), I have lost a total of 52 pounds - 33 from spark!!! It works & you will do just fine. Just remember to take one day at a time & don't be too hard on yourself!!

    2822 days ago
  • TAMMS001
    I'm glad you are not giving up. You are beautiful from your pics! Don't ever stop living for yourself, and for your son. Life can be hard sometimes but you just get right back up and fight!! emoticon emoticon
    2888 days ago
    With all that you have been through you are a brave soul. Keep at it and you will do it. Keep your chin up and just take it one day at a time.
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    2889 days ago
    Oh my, what a survivor you are! Keep at it - you can do it!
    2889 days ago
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