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    JOHNTJ1   72,505
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints

Dont Just Do Something, Sit There!!!

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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Let me let you in on a little secret you most likely were not aware of:

You are perfect just the way you are.

Yup you read right.

As you sit in front of your computer drinking in every word you read, YOU, the person who believes they are so full of fatal flaws and all that other melodramatic stuff we put ourselves though, that YOU, is perfect just the way they are.

Know what? You don’t believe it any more than I do!!! We read about it write about it, talk about it, pray about it and then discard it to try to be like the person next door or down the block or in the cubicle next to us. We want to be taller, shorter, thinner, brighter more attractive and we invest thousands of hours and hundreds of dollars trying to recreate perfection.

How messed up is that?

You were born with a very unique set of gifts and talents that no one and I mean no one else was given. As soon as you became aware of those gifts and talents you tried to trade them in on another set, someone else’s set. It’s sort of like trying to fit into size five shoes when you are a size eight…. All sorts of issues!!

We become unhappy, so we toss around words like “self discipline,” to correct our perceived wrongs and then we become more unhappy. In my case there was more of me there!!! I got bigger and bigger and blamed it on stress and on bad diet and on the planets not being aligned correctly. Told myself and others I liked to cook, loved to eat and oh well what could I do?

“Uhm John? You could have quit fooling yourself.” No kidding, LOL.

We are so busy trying to change US that we never take the opportunity to simply be us!!! We never discovered who we were and what we were capable of doing so how in the name of the good Lord were we supposed to love ourselves?

“Oh, John!!! If you only knew some of the stuff I did in the past you wouldn’t want to hang with me!!!”

Question: “Everybody in the room who has never, ever screwed up royally and majorly please stand up.” I see everyone is sitting down which means you and I have lots of company. Our mistakes in life have their own personal and unique flavor on them but a mistake is a mistake. If God refuses to reject you, if God loves you so tenderly and deeply despite your faults do you think it’s okay for ME to judge you? I doubt it.

Here’s an idea. I floated it to you yesterday. Instead of dwelling on all the screw ups start writing down one thing a day you do well, something that satisfies you and makes you feel like you are part of that perfect world you claim you don’t belong in. In a year you will have done at least three hundred sixty five great things.

It only takes a second and if you think about it you are only writing down what you are doing anyway, right? Of course, right!

You are perfect just the way you are. Don’t fret or stress. We are not conditioned to act that way. When I started applying in my life the things that had been floating around in my head, the stuff I did well, viola, I started getting healthier, started losing weight, making new friends. (Like YOU!!!)

I want to exercise, maybe not always with a smile on my face and song in my heart, but I know I am worth it.

I woke up this morning and as is my custom I lie in bed and start to review all the stuff I need to get done today.

“Ooops, I didn’t say my prayers.” I spent a few seconds berating myself. I mean God has done so much for me and I had forgotten to say good morning.

As I whipped myself spiritually and emotionally my inner voice spoke to me as said, “Why don’t you just lie there and be quiet for awhile. You don’t always have to be doing or saying something. Just be with me.”

So I did.

That’s when it came to me, I am perfect just the way I am, deeply loved and one of the coolest people on earth. Yes I can be smarter and cooler and I can learn much, much more.

Don’t just do something, sit there.

Have a perfect day, perfect people
Sorry, I forgot. The one thing I do well today has become the motto for my business
“I help good people become better.”

See ya

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JESSIE12041 4/28/2010 7:41PM

  I really enjoyed this and it meant a lot. So many of us try to find flaws in everything about us and what we do, it is nice to just embrace who we are as a person.

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LESA2.0 4/27/2010 6:04PM

    You rock!!!! We all know in our hearts the things you wrote in this blog, but we feel we're being egotistical if we say them to ourselves (at least I do). But it is so true. We are each of us a unique creation of God and we are what He meant us to be. To honor God, each of us should try to be the best "me" that we can be — and that does not entail trying to be someone else!!!! Wow, you are a truly gifted motivator and an amazing person. Thank you so much!!!

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KLOSH1 4/24/2010 12:44AM

    thank you for the inspiration, it was a nice thing to read tonight!

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DIANE7786 4/23/2010 11:57PM

    Great blog. I'll start thinking about my good traits.

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JERRI82 4/23/2010 7:33PM

    you did it again! another great blog! you are good! you are right... we are all perfect just the way we are. God made each of us unique... and wonderful in his image. you are special.. thank you for sharing that... good health and God bless.

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JERRI82 4/23/2010 7:32PM

    you did it again! another great blog! you are good! you are right... we are all perfect just the way we are. God made each of us unique... and wonderful in his image. you are special.. thank you for sharing that... good health and God bless.

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JERRI82 4/23/2010 7:27PM

    you did it again! you are good! you are right... we are all perfect just the way we are.
God made each of us unique... and wonderful in his image. thank you for another great blog.... you are special.. thank you for sharing that... good health and God bless.

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SWEET14LOSING 4/23/2010 5:04PM


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STARINTHESKY 4/23/2010 1:58PM

    Great blog! emoticon emoticon

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AVIVAC 4/23/2010 1:07PM

  Nice blog.

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AVIVAC 4/23/2010 1:06PM

  Nice blog.

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    Perfectly said. Your words are always an inspiration. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ZRAMOMMA 4/22/2010 3:13PM

    Really glad I came across your blog today. I guess it was something I needed to read. Thanks for your inspiring words.

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CAROLYN1213 4/22/2010 2:40PM

    This IS soooo true. I had this Epiphany year in 2009 where I had the privilege of seeing myself as God sees me and it changed my world. Every lie I had ever believed about my worth or value fell away. Evey misconception I had ever based a decision on became so evident. What I was left with is that God created me, only me, to fulfill a mission that only I can, to fellowship with Him and have a relationship with Him that only I can. You can have your relationship with Him, but you can't have mine, mine is unique. He created a beautiful song named Carolyn that whistles in the wind, skips in the sunlight and dances by the light of the moon.

Thanks for being you!

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    Wow that was amazing!

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FROGGERHKC 4/22/2010 12:29PM

    I linked to this blog from one of my spark friends commenting on it, and I am so glad I did. Thank you for sharing this! Definitely something I needed to hear today, and it is very true. I like the idea of writing down one thing we all do well a day, it's a great way to become more positive and I am going to start doing it today.

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FSTORM 4/22/2010 11:57AM

    Thanks for this! You have put a smile on my face today.

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KBL-123 4/22/2010 11:18AM

    Thanks so much~ Very inspiring!

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/22/2010 11:11AM


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LEAN-N-LEXY 4/22/2010 9:28AM

    There is a wonderful song called, "I Love Myself the Way I Am". I know that comments here have a tendency to get chopped up, but here is a link to lyrics for you:

Your essay is a wonderful description of just how not changing, but growing is what we're supposed to be doing.

Sometimes being still and silent is the best prayer. It's the best way to listen. emoticon

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FLORENCE1010 4/22/2010 8:19AM

  It is truly a challenge to become absolutely perfect these days. Too much information not enough information. Getting totally in touch with yourself, your therapist, life in general is a must. All you perfect people out there, Congratulations!, and more power to you. Us perfect people who seek more perfection hope to stay out of your way and become a little better today, maybe a little more grown up than we were the day, week, month, and year before. Here is hoping we can all discern what is need and what is just a pointless want.

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BELLAMIMI1 4/21/2010 2:19PM

    Thanks for adding me as a friend. You are certainly an addition to my list.
(I can't figure out how to add an Emoticon at the end of my sentences. They are only being inserted at the end of all text. But I would have put a smiley face at the end of my first sentence) LOL.

Man, what do you do in "real" life?! Are you a Priest, Pastor, Rabbi, social worker, psychologist or life coach?! LOL. Well, you could be any one of those or none of 'em.

I'll tell you what the Sparkers who follow your blogs know that you are: a very special, insightful, deeply loved, cool, blessed MAN.

Among many, one of the good things you did today was listening to yourself. Oh, and doing what GOD said: Be still and know that I am GOD.

Thanks. emoticon

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MARCYNA 4/21/2010 8:49AM

    Lovely, just by being you you've helped me, John.
Thank you!!!!

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BUGGYS 4/21/2010 7:45AM

    I am saving this blog, John because I want my kids to read this...they are always complaining about their mom, I am such a positive person and I am perfect in their I want them to see that they are perfect in their own eyes! I wish more people would realize just how good they are...being overweight doesn't define someone...thank you for a great blog! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EDWINA172 4/21/2010 6:13AM

    Your words are so touching. I started reading this yesterday, became emotional and had to stop. Finished reading it a little later. Keep writing. Keep helping others. You have a gift.

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DAVEINSEOUL 4/21/2010 2:29AM

    Yep. I'm not perfect.

Yep. I screw up and do things that I know I shouldn't.

Yep. I have some guilt sessions.

But you know what? I'm not sorry or apologetic to say that most of the time, I feel pretty darn good about myself. And others around me. And the way my life turned out. And where I live, what I'm doing and how I am taking my life back.

I am happy just the way I am - but I also strive to grow and become even better tomorrow than I was today.

I'm pretty comfortable with myself. But I can do better. I can grow. I can be a better husband, father, and grandfather.

God meets us where we are, and if we allow him to, he molds us into becoming better humans. But we also have to take some responsibility to cooperate.

41 days ago, I decided to take my life back. I have completely changed my eating, sleeping, hydration, and exercise habits. I know God loved me 41 days ago for who I was, but I was NOT happy with myself. I was so overweight that I couldn't even take short walks without my muscles hurting. 41 days ago I said - ENOUGH. I took responsibility for being the way I was, and was so dissatisfied with where my body was at that I HAD to do something with it - hence the spark journey which I have started and will never look back from.

Yes God loved me where I was at 41 days ago. But did he want me to be overweight, in pain all the time, and always out of breath. NO! He has been waiting patiently for me - but I had to do my part and take some accountability for my poor physical state.

God wants us to change. He wants to change us. But WE must cooperate. Change (spiritual, emotional, and physical) starts with us accepting responsibility for our current state and our willingness to discipline ourselves enough to make the healthy changes permanent in our lives. My first three weeks of swimming, walking, and riding were NOT fun. Nor was changing my eating habits (I LOVE Starbucks Mocha's, cheesecake, and a good T-bone steak). But I have disciplined myself over the past 7 weeks to change the bad eating habits for good ones and to get daily exercise. I have dropped 12 pounds - and am walking, swimming, riding a bike - all the things I used to love to do, I am now doing them again after 10 years of making excuses, being lazy, and having no discipline at all over what when into my mouth.

I am almost completely done with week 7 and will start week 8 on Thursday. What is so important about 8 weeks? According to most psychologists, that's how long it takes for lifestyle changes to become permanent.

Why the long response? Because, for me, taking my life back is about my own personal accountability. Unless I took responsibility for my unpleasant physical state, unless I was willing to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!, unless I was willing to take the dramatic steps to work out 30 minutes a day, and track everything that went into my mouth, NOTHING in my life would change.

So yes, John, God loves us the way we are. But I believe he wants US to take personal accountability to see where we are and what we need to do to grown and become better. Most of us would not be using Spark People if we weren't dissatisfied. We're here because we want to change - it starts with taking accountability for the personal discipline needed for permanent change.

Comment edited on: 4/21/2010 2:32:44 AM

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SUSIEMILO 4/21/2010 12:01AM

    what a wonderful blog. Thanks so much for putting this out there.
I don't know you yet, but I already know that I like you.

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TEDYBEAR2838 4/20/2010 9:07PM

    Good Idea, I need to start writing all the GOOD things in m y life. I don't really dwell on negatives. but I don't always appreciate the positives.

Good for yOU!

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DUTCHIEKIWI 4/20/2010 8:50PM

    The truth can be hard, sometimes cruel but also eye opening, and sometimes being told the truth can really make you feel content as it's okay... it really is,okay.


You do, you ARE making good people better, and I love you for it!

How can you love someone you've never met?
Beats me, to be honest, but it's the truth.

I have met people here on this site, people like yourself that really make me want to become the best I can be, more then any motivational or spiritual book I have ever read.

I want to support others, become stronger myself and have found out that helping others really DOES motivate me more then I ever thought it would.

I'm okay with me, not all the time...
sometimes I yell, sometimes I curse, okay, sometimes I can be a downright bitch.

But I'm loving,loyal and I've got a good heart, I try to be a good wife, mother and friend.

I am more proud of myself now then I have been before.
To be honest this morning was a little rough getting up.
Once again your blog has made it alright.

Thanks JT,

you are becoming one of my top notch friends to be side by side with me while we go through this journey.

I thank you for that!


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KATIEGLEN012 4/20/2010 8:49PM

    I totally agree. Sometimes we don't hear the answer to our prayers because we don't sit still long enough to pay attention to what He has to say or we are busy doing two or more things at once. Be still. Be.
I tell my adult students that it is not acceptable for them to lay their heads upon their pillows and review what they didn't get done that day. Focus on what you are getting done...count each and everything you did do today. Working in the minuses only gets you further in the hole! Not to mention wrecks havoc with your self-esteem.
As usual your topic is timely. I can see that you are a natural at making good people better. I love when the work fits the person.

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STORMTMB 4/20/2010 8:12PM

    I wonder if we all turned off our TV's if our perception of self would improve, perhaps vastly. I think of all of the media and marketing geniuses who convince us minute by minute that we are not good enough, pretty or handsome enough, successful enough if we don't purchase their products. We see airbrushed models on the cover of magazines and on tv selling us everything from make-up to alcohol. We are constantly bombarded with messages that we are not good enough just as we are. After so many years of hearing it, I guess the message gets through (even if I don't buy the BMW, Diet Pepsi or Ab Glider).

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JCDROLSHAGEN 4/20/2010 6:20PM

    Thank you, John. Why, yes I am!! emoticon

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ANDARIEL 4/20/2010 5:58PM

    Only one word can sum up this blog... Perfect. Thank you!

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JPRICE217 4/20/2010 3:11PM

    I agree with others you have the best blogs!!!!! You must be a writer. We all must get our spiritual life in perspective. God did not make junk so we are all very important in this world. emoticon

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MOTHERLORI 4/20/2010 1:46PM

    John, ~ your words are the first one's I turn to when I log into Spark people. I haven't been having a very easy time of it this spring and I haven't come to spark people in awhile, but I saw an email that said I had sparkmail from you and after a few days, I just had to come back. Your blog was just what I needed to hear after being quite unkind to myself about my lack of motivation. So, once again, thanks. Thanks for reminding us about the better sides of ourselves ~ even when we tend to like to wallow in our shortcomings. I'm so glad I came back emoticon Lori

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KT-NICHOLS-13 4/20/2010 12:21PM

    In tears and just having a hard time today, I opened up your blog and things fell into prospective. I know after a good cry, I'll have a much brighter day. Thank you.

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DIASTER 4/20/2010 11:44AM

  Again you got our attention. What a wake up call, How dare we not take advantage of what blessings we have been given and the many opportunities we have to be positive with each other and yes, even ourdelves
Bless you for your wonderful blogs, first thing I read each morning.

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GREENCAT1 4/20/2010 11:12AM


Cathy emoticon

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GREENCAT1 4/20/2010 11:12AM


Cathy emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 4/20/2010 11:09AM

    Are you sure you're not a psychiatrist? Your blogs are wonderful.

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INDYAMYP 4/20/2010 10:34AM

    Thanks John,
I am going to try to spend a little more time with myself - learning to love the person that I am.

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EDWINA172 4/20/2010 10:18AM

    Thank you for this. It really hit home. God bless you.

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BRYLIA 4/20/2010 10:14AM

    Thanks again John for "feeding my soul". Love your business motto.. what I find truly remarkable as I ponder this is that as we take the focus off of ourselves by helping others, we ourselves are helped in more ways than we can imagine. I have discovered that the more I take care of myself spiritually, physically and emotionally, the more I can help others.
Also loved how you put it saying "Good Morning" to God.. actually made me chuckle and stop reading to Thank see without even realizing it God used you to help remind me of one of my daily goals and accomplish it.
God Bless

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MORTICIAADDAMS 4/20/2010 10:11AM

    I am so fortunate that I do like who I am. I make mistakes but I'm a good person.

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SPARKLE1908 4/20/2010 9:44AM

    Wonderful blog!!!!!

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JAE_HENNINGTON 4/20/2010 9:44AM

  Thank you John.. You are such an inspiration to us all. I really look forward to coming and reading your blogs. They are shot of positive energy

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DOLLIE6 4/20/2010 9:39AM

    Say, Yeah!! I love it.

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BUGLET- 4/20/2010 9:33AM

    I have often looked around and thought "Would I like to look like anyone that I can see in this room?" That gives me a reality check because I'd rather be me. I realize that in the world around me, I am not that bad compared to others. Hollywood gives us all the wrong ideas. I am never going to look like that. I would not want to be them. Living in a fish bowl, putting careers ahead of everything. Just as TV gives kids the idea that sex is everything, in my life it's not my reality. (Thank God) In my life I don't have to live up to the images I see which are not a reality. I'm not living in their world, I live in mine.
I don't have to be any better than the best I can be. I'm a work in progress.

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MINENA1 4/20/2010 9:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Great blog John!! emoticon

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