Sunday, April 18, 2010
Really, the hardest thing about anything is starting. I tend to over think the "starting" thing so much that I just end up putting it off because I make it so complicated for myself. So with my best foot forward and my honesty hat on, here we go...
I've come off the back of a very stressful week/weekend. Before said week, I had started some things that are definitely in the "good for me" vein. Then, after a tough week, I look back and realize that I've dropped almost all of those good things for bad habits yet again. This is my track record. I'm hoping that blogging about some of these experiences will help me break that crazy cycle.
So here's the "State of MY Union Address" so I can hopefully look back on this post one day and see how far I've come.
I just turned 29. I'm not afraid of 30...I think. Maybe I'm terrified of it. I certainly have some goals for 30. Though I'm trying to be realistic about it.
I've just had the worst 2 health years in my life. I surpassed 300 pounds. (Wow - yeah I just wrote that). I have high blood pressure but my doctor doesn't want to put me on medication for it just yet, not that I would want to be on it anyway. In February of 2009, I started suffering from undiagnosed pain in my pelvic region which was so severe at one point I was given a pelvic ultrasound to check for ovarian cysts, abdominal x-rays to check for a gastrointestinal blockage of some sort, and numerous internal exams to feel around my lady bits for problems. Everything came back negative. On one hand it's a relief to report that I have the "healthiest reproductive system my gynecologist has ever seen." On the other hand, I endured a horrible 2 months of pain, ridiculous amounts of doctor's bills and I still don't really have an answer to what exactly is wrong.
Currently I see a therapist, a nutritionist, my regular M.D., a gynecologist, a chiropractor and have been referred to 2 different specialists (gastroenterology & endocrinology). Whew. My wallet is hurting. And that does nothing to relieve the stress. However, just recently, I think the chiropractor (with my help in researching my own symptoms) has narrowed in on what could be causing my pain. I've been getting SOME relief from my appointments, so with any hope we will continue in this vein and I will be on the track to better health in a lot of different areas.
A couple of months ago, my Grandmother was diagnosed with heart disease. She underwent a triple bypass surgery to relieve the clogged arteries going to her heart, but she is still left with a partially clogged carotid artery (the one that supplies blood to the brain and is responsible for causing strokes in most people). My Gram is overweight. She has been for years. And now I'm scared.
You know, in all my years of battling weight issues, I've never really had a wake-up call. I'm luckily blessed with good genes. I have no diabetes in the family, so as of yet, I am not in that category. The men have been the ones with heart issues...but not until they're much older. There is some history of breast cancer that I will eventually have to worry about - but for the longest time, I've been "perfectly healthy."
Hold the phone - can you be "perfectly healthy" when you're more than 150 pounds overweight?
Add on these past two years and I now notice the little things that tell me I'm far from the specimen of health I always thought I was. My feet hurt. It gets hard to breathe sometimes, and I'm winded from the slightest bit of exercise. My hips give me occasional problems, as do my knees and my back and my shoulders. I'm almost 30 and I still break out. I have unsightly stretch marks. Eesh - the list goes on and on.
So here I am. Ready to start something. Terrified of failing again. But honest. And hopeful.
As I get ready to embark on a new journey, and soon a new decade, my wish for myself is "MY SELF." Yeah - I'm going to get me a "self." And what a self she's going to be!