Thursday, April 15, 2010
I must admit that what I feared the most (losing motivation back at Christmas) happened. I went home, got lots of compliments, had lots of people tell me I was great where I was, and got lazy. I got out of the habit of going to the gym. I got out of the habit of logging on. I got out of the habit of caring about calories. New Years came and winter rolled in. I always knew that the cold made me lazy, but I didn't try to fight it this year. I just let it take me over. The good news is I've stayed with my commitment to practically cut soda out of my diet (and drink only water). I usually only have one when out to eat (which is rare) or when drinking (also rare). For that, I am still proud. I am still relatively conscious of what I stick in my mouth, but only for weight maintaining, not losing.
I'm still around the same weight & measurements that I was last time I logged in. I know many would envy that. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with it, but not satisfied. I still have that somewhat unattainable goal looming on the horizon. (Obviously it's not ACTUALLY unattainable, but it's always felt that way.) It's like it taunts me. It's one of those things in life that I feel I can't control, even though I'm fully aware that I can.
I want to get back on track. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see the person I've always wished to see (this isn't all about looks, it's health too, but lets be honest, I'm young and my appearance IS a huge factor). I want to feel 100% comfortable in my own skin. I'm so close I can almost taste it! Last fall it only took me 3 months on this program to lose a whopping (at least to me) 30 pounds. I know that these last 10-20 or so pounds won't take but a little work and a little time. To be fit has always been a dream...and now when it's a potential reality, I shy away from it.
I am going to at least try. Try to log in. Try to get cardio in daily. Try to do my exercises. Try to deal with the stress of the last month of homework, finals, moving, transferring schools, finding a job, moving again, and starting up brand new at a new school in a new apartment all with extremely limited funds. I'm going to try to not let living at home for 3 months this summer mess up my restart here on SP. But most of all, I'm going to try to be happy, and take all of this one step at a time, one day at a time, and not let it all overwhelm me.
Honestly, all I CAN do is try.