Thursday, April 15, 2010
After losing a whopping 3 lbs in the last 11 weeks, I've come to the conclusion that stress and weight loss really don't mix! I feel like a car that's stalled in the middle of the road, and despite my trying to push it - it won't budge!! It really dawned on me today as I flipped back through my calendar, where I keep track of my weight and exercise, as well as the usual stuff. It has been 11 weeks since my MIL's paid companion passed away, and my stress went through the roof - NOT a coincidence!
I'm really a positive person, but after reading my blogs regarding my MIL, I hardly recognize myself! Her daily negativity has washed over me and left me feeling like someone else. I'm tired of hearing myself complain about dealing with her. I wake up every day in a positive mood, seeing life as a blessing, but after any contact with her - I feel like someone dumped toxic waste on my head. My husband told her on Sunday to leave me alone and NOT call, well that lasted ONE day!!! When I saw that it was her on our caller ID, I did not answer, as I felt that familiar feeling wash over me - DREAD! So much for respecting boundaries and regarding our wishes! She left two messages and then I turned off the answering machine because I don't even want to HEAR her voice. I know that this isn't the answer, but I see it as a temporary fix until I get my thoughts together and take the next step.
I believe that there are no coincidences and that too was brought to light for me as I went through my handbag this week. I found a slip of paper that I wrote notes on from last month, while I sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office... waiting for my MIL to arrive for her appointment. I was reading a health magazine while I waited for her, and I opened the magazine to an article titled 'clearing out mental cobwebs'. It said that dealing with 'constantly negative people eventually wears you down, and their unhappiness can resonate inside of you'. When I think of my notes from that article, my digestive issues and feeling like I've camped out in our bathroom again for the last 2 days, as well as my blood pressure rising - I feel as if the universe is SCREAMING at me! Well, I'm now listening.
I'm making my health and the health of my husband priority #1, since he has been dealing with severe heartburn after contact with her. He is making an effort to get home a little earlier than usual, so we can go for a bike ride or a walk together before dinner. I told him that I do NOT want to discuss HER in any way, shape for form, while we're in our house. So if there is anything to talk about regarding her, we'll do it outside while we exercise, and ONLY for a FEW minutes - then we're DONE! I do NOT want her taking up our time. I've also been reading some self help books, trying to get some answers. There is a church here called The Center For Positive Living. I've heard about it for years, and I finally checked out their website today and got information on their Sunday service, which I would like to attend.
Dealing with daily stress is like ingesting a spoonful of poison EVERY day! I don't want to feel dread daily, I want to feel happiness and joy. I'm going to do everything in my power to create the peaceful life that I want with my husband. I can't change her, I can only change myself. I'm going to work on reducing the stress and continuing on this journey here on Spark, and with any luck - the blasted scale with start cooperating with me again! My focus is to improve our health - physically, emotionally and spiritually. So, It's time for me to pull my head out of my butt, and get on with it. So STRESS, I bid you good riddance and I'm kicking you to the curb - where you belong!