Thursday, April 15, 2010
It's been a while since I wrote a blog entry. Fred was diagnosed with esophagal cancer in Sept. 2008 and after that, life became one big rollercoaster ride. Hope, fear, invasive surgery, several bouts of pneumonia, treatments, stopping treatments. Hospital in, hospital out. He died at home on April 6, 2010, with me sitting next to him. We spent the last months grieving together and talking about my future but also just enjoying life, our children, our families. We travelled some and tried to create good memories for our children in spite of his illness. Fred had the attitude that even if there were only 5-10 "fun" minutes each day, life was worth it.
Both my husband and I worried more about what the cancer would do with him than his actually dying. We are Christians and know that he is now with his heavenly Father and welcomed with open arms. He died peacefully with a smile on his face. This has given us great comfort, but seeing my strong, never sick husband with an athlete's condition deteriorate has been hard. Before his illness, people thought he was much younger than he was. At the end of his life, he weighed 40 kg. (down from 76; from 168 lbs. to abt. 88), was practically blind and had trouble walking. He had become an old man, and he hated this and the dependency on me. Although I was glad to be there for him, it was hard to see him like this.
We were surrounded by great family and friends who were there for us, both for him and me, as well as for our children. This support was incredible and priceless.
One thing that showed me how SparkPeople has affected my life is that during this period, while I had some really bad days in terms of eating, I did not gain any weight and my diabetes remained stable. In the past my weight would have mushroomed, causing me more despair than I was already feeling. I am getting back on the SP wagon, to pick up losing weight and being conscious about exercise, esp. by tracking food. But mostly just to take care of myself.