Thursday, April 15, 2010
Last week was not good, and I'm not talking about in the food sense here. It was an emotionally draining, up-and-down rollercoaster kind of week. Starting with Saturday evening after the hubby's b-day party where - apparently - some gf/bf breaking up happened (and don't get me started about how rude it is to break-up with your S.O. at someone's birthday party), I stayed up too late, woke up Sunday with a sore throat and it was all down hill from there. I spent a good three days pretending I wasn't sick before I gave up the ghost.
Besides that whole being sick thing, I just wasn't feeling good in that "my heart feels like it's going to beat of my chest" palpitating kind of way. Made an appointment for the Doctor, got an EKG, and surprise of surprise: I have a freaking arrhythmia. Time for more tests! Had a mess of blood work done, treadmill stress test the next day, and off to the doctor later today for a 24 hour heart monitor dealymabob. Add in a whole list of don't's from the doctor including: no high or moderate intensity exercise, nix the caffeine, stay emotionally stable (!!!).
It really set me off, and I spent a lot of time saying "what the hell's the point of losing 40+ lbs if my health problems are just getting worse?!?!" and hating myself and crying and lying in bed with the blankets pulled over my head.
So, I disappeared. I didn't read any blogs, I didn't write anything, I didn't reach out for help or a shoulder to cry on (although my best friend and my husband were there), and I hid. Which is what I do when I'm depressed.
I didn't try to find the silver lining staring me in the face. My resting heart rate has gone down over twenty beats a minute when not on medication - I might actually be able to get off meds entirely when I lose all this weight! My cholesterol levels have gone down almost 60 points without medication, and all my cholesterol levels are in the "desirable" range! The techs found no signs of Coronary Artery Disease on the treadmill stress test!
I finally got out of bed Sunday (after being sick for five days on top of all that!), re-prioritized, and realized I can't live my life in fear of tomorrow. Today, I'm doing exactly what I need to do in order to become a healthier person, and I'm kicking this obesity problem's a**.
Still haven't quite made it past the whole crying every couple of hours thing, but I'm getting better, and I'm feeling better. Every day is a gift and I'm looking forward to tomorrow.