Please SparkPeople... I need you!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I am hurting. I want to work part time instead of full time sooo bad. I like my job a lot, but I also have a 4 year old son that I want to raise and a husband who needs more of me. It seems like I can't ever get housework done, and we eat out so much because I don't have time to cook what I'd like to be able to cook. I was very passionate about this idea last winter and had even drawn up a proposal for my employer, but I never went through with it. The ONLY thing holding me back is... Money. I would consider us to be middle class... if middle class even still exists. We, like most Americans have our share of debt, but we also always pay our bills. I am constantly looking for ways to save us money, but my husband isn't as frugal as I am. I need a radical change. We are still young and he keeps telling me, in the fall we'll be in better shape, but then something else comes up, so it gets moved back to next year we'll be in good shape... and in 5 years we'll be out of debt... I don't want to wait 5 years. I want to raise my child now. It's not my job that's the problem. It's the hours. I dwell on how many hours I spend at work versus how many hours I actually get to spend with my family. A lot of people would consider me so lucky to have a full time job with a set schedule and a decent salary... but I don't live my life for money! That's not what it's about to me! I am just so frustrated and confused. I really really could use some inspiration. My anxiety is breaking down my weight loss/life style change focus. I came out of depression back in January and I vowed NEVER to go back there. Right now I am right next to the fence. I don't want to go back but right now a battle is forming. Please spark people, give me some encouragement!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
All of the reponses have been very good so far. There is a lot of good advice here.
You can't do it alone. You and your husband should sit down and discuss all of this. You are partners in this marriage, and you both want what's best for your son, as well as you as a family.
Both of you need to agree on how you are going to approach all of these things. By both of you doing this, you will come up with a plan, and BOTH of you will be on the same page, and that's what's needed for it to succeed.
I highly recommend you check out Dave Ramsey's page.
Here's the link:
Check out his "Baby Steps". It is a series of steps to get you out of debt in small manageable steps. He has some excellent ideas for getting out of debt, and his Financial Peace University classes are held round the country. I watch him on the Fox Business Channel, and highly recommend it if you have it on your cable TV.
You can do this. Take it one step at a time, and things will fall into place.
Have faith. . .
2598 days ago
Comment edited on: 4/13/2010 6:16:51 PM
Jenna: I just saw your blog because my friend had commented on it. You've been given some really good suggestions already by those who have contributed, so I'll only share one idea with you. I stayed home with my kids, as you want to do. We didn't have much money for extras, but it was well worth it to be with my kiddies. You're right..you can't wait 5 years for things to get better as they grow up so fast! When my youngest was in kindergarten, I had a part-time job offer, which I accepted. My hubby and I thought, "Woo hoo! Some more money...we can live a little more comfortably now!' The upshot? I did make more money...did our lifestyle change appreciably? No...we just spent it on a hundred different little things that in reality did nothing to change how we lived. When my youngest was in high school, I started teaching school full time. Once again we thought, "Woo hoo!" More money! Now we can really do more, have more, etc. Did the extra money make a huge difference? Not really...once again, I just spent it on other things, like going out to dinner because I was always so tired after working all day and didn't want to cook!
My advice: Make sure you can handle your debts and basic living expenses, and then make the big move with your job change. You're worth it, your kids are worth it, and your family is worth it. Dream big. You only go around once! Best wishes, Linda
2598 days ago
Ok honey...first here is a hug next is there a reason you didn't follow through on asking to work part-time? Sounds like the desire is there but the question would be why you didn't follow through. If it is the money you need to sit down and break down the budget. Do you pay for childcare right now? If so how much money you make goes towards the childcare? Before I got pregnant my husband and I decided we wanted me to stay home. We did a budget...now I had a very good job and very good paying one also, but the funny thing is that if I had continued working most of the money I made would go towards childcare. So I would basically be working to pay someone else to watch my kid. Now I did have to make a lot of sacrifices on my spending but it was worth it to me.
You and the hubby really need to sit down and get on the same page as far as expectations. If you are miserable then something HAS to change. My husband and I had a MAJOR change last year when I required him to switch his hours to day hours and Monday through Friday. Before he was working nights and slept all day and I so felt like a single mom. I was miserable and well I had put myself last for 4 years so we sat down and I told him it was his turn to make a sacrifice. NOW this was a battle and took time and give and take from both of us. Well we are BOTH very very happy now with his schedule and the outcome.
We as humans often fear change but it can all work out in the end if you are prepared. It really sounds like this is an important desire you have honey. I would say that you should start taking steps to see if you can make this work. You need to put yourself first for once dear or else things may just get worse for you and that is not good for you or your family.
We are here for you!
2598 days ago
I say do what makes you happy, which clearly you aren't right now. There may have to be some comprimises, but if ultimately it makes you happier then that has to be the right path, surely.
I am currently having issues with my job, I feel like I am getting my life together, but the job isn't exactly what I want to do, so this little area of my life is pulling me down a bit...I'm considering moving jobs, which will probably mean slightly less money...but on the upside, I know I will be happier.
2598 days ago
Jenna, I think about you a lot actually. I have been battling with depression lately...again. I also have a lot of frustration with my job. It sounds to me though that what is getting you anxious and down is that you know where you want to be or what you want to do but haven't taken the big step. How does your husband feel about you changing to part-time and cutting back on expenses? Is your job something you can do part-time at work and part-time at home so you aren't losing income but are home to cook and spend time with the family? Remember you can solve this and nothing is so huge that you can't find a solution. Sometimes it takes brave steps and sometimes it takes looking at it from another side. Just don't give up and you will figure it out!
2598 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.