Monday, April 12, 2010
A few days ago I saw a "friend" of mine that I haven't seen in months. The first thing he said to me was not "Hello" or "how have you been?" Like I had expected. He actually said to me" You got fat." very matter of factually. I was stunned and asked"what?" He proceed to ask me how it felt to be so fat. And then explained that he believed some people like being fat and asked me if it felt good. I wanted to break down and cry. I am at my heaviest weight right now, but I thought that was a rather harsh way to bring it up to me. I told my sister about this (she has always struggled with her weight and has had lap band surgery) And she busted out laughing, because I have always been the skinny one in the family. I still dont find it funny. Then tonight my husband made a comment about the fact that I "out weight him now". I havent stopped crying since he left. I can't take these comments from the people in my life any more. They are not helping my self esteem or depression. And if any one reading this suffers from depression, you know how hard it can be to get out of bed let alone work out. I've been so depressed lately that I've been sleeping a lot and spending a lot of time in bed. My husband chewed me out for sleeping in so late everyday, and when I tell him I am depressed he just says go to the doctor. He isn't very comforting because he works the midnight sift and has to try to sleep during the day when the kids and I are up. I know thats hard. I do, but it seems like no matter what I am going through is never as important as the number of hours he got to sleep that day and the fact that he has to work tonight. I know he is under a lot of stress because he is the only one working right now, but that is also playing a part in my depression. Since I was a little girl I had wanted to be a cosmetologist. I fought my husband for years because I wanted/had to go to school and do this. Finally a couple of years ago, he agreed I should go to school. Mostly because I was suppose to get out of school and be successful. I failed. I passed school and state boards, but since I have been licensed I have been fired from 2 jobs because of too many complaints. I am a failure and I let every one down. That is the worst feeling in the world.