Sunday, April 11, 2010
Well, some of us just need a slightly bigger push in the rear than others.
At my doctor's suggestion, weight loss was put completely on hold due to a severe run in with depression and PTSD. Fortunately that has ironed itself out and while I have gained a fair amount from the break, I have also already begun to lose some of what I gained.
Last Saturday, a very dear friend of mine had a severe heart attack that has left her brain dead with no hopes of recovery. Her family will be allowing her to go to heaven tomorrow. She was a selfless, wonderful, amazing, YOUNG woman. You don't think of someone being completely wiped out in their late 40's from a heart attack...but at morbid obesity that's exactly what happened to her. She is survived by a 20 year old daughter who is having to make all the decisions and a 16 year old son with autism.
I don't want to be her. I CAN'T be her. She gave EVERYTHING to everyone else and never took a moment of time for herself. People were constantly telling her to slow down and take a break...and she didn't listen.
Now I've lost my dear friend and had to take a very long look in the mirror. I do everything for everyone else. I feel guilty for taking 30 minutes to exercise instead of focusing on my family. I run myself ragged to try and keep everyone else happy. I'm even afraid to trim my own birthday party invitation list for fear of offending people.
This has to stop. This has to stop NOW before I end up like my friend. I can't die when my son is 20 and leave him to make these decisions. I'm cutting my own life short by doing so much for so many others.
So from now until my birthday I'm vowing to finish taking off the initial 10% I want to lose. This is my spring board to my future so that I can stand there and sing to my heart's content about "My Next 30 Years".