Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Maintenance is No Joke, as many people have pointed out.
I personally am struggling with the eating part of it; the exercise is pretty well locked in, with training for a half-iron Aquabike event in July (1.2 mi open water swim followed by 56 miles on the bike).
On Monday the scale read 165. *gulp*
It was probably due in a large part to salt from Easter dinner (ham, pickled green beans, cheese, etc.) Regardless, it was very unwelcome and shocking.
On my ticker I'm reporting the weighted moving average on Physics Diet because it smooths out the fluctuations that happen near goal.
The point, though, is that I AM struggling. I am not giving up. Never again. And I'm going back to what works for me. Protein. I think even the complex carbs of oatmeal have been too much for my system.
And as GRACEFULIFE has suggested privately, I need to stabilize my calories around 2000 and stop messing around with trying to go lower. That just makes me hungry the next day and sets me up for a potential binge.
I still also struggle mentally with self-esteem and the feeling that I'm super obese, a human anomaly who doesn't physically fit in society. 80-90% of the time I forget that I'm now a size 8-10 and still feel miserable about how my life is slipping by while I live in a coffin of fat. Phantom fat is real.
Yes I have been going to counseling. But these are well-worn mental ruts that will take some time to bust out of.
So, onward. I will beat this. I have to. Because regain is simply not an option. I refuse to go there.