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I didn't think I was an emotional eater. Ha!

Thursday, April 01, 2010

In the last 5 months I have been hospitalized 4 times. I've spent a total of 2-1/2 months in the hospital, including 3 weeks on life support and a few more weeks in the ICU. Yes, I was very sick.

The good news is that I am home now and recovering. Unfortunately, while I was sick my father died. Also while I was sick, I missed the deadline on my new book (I'm a novelist). With the help of my daughter I managed to deliver the manuscript a few months late and my publisher was kind enough to wait.

But...

Since I've been home I can't stop eating. I'm not hungry, I just want to eat. This is new for me. I have returned to SparkPeople for support and inspiration and have come to realize I'm trying to calm anxieties about my health and grief over my father by feeding them to death, or at least into a stupor. Just understanding that has helped. The other thing that has been most helpful is logging in my food. It's so much harder to cheat when you see those calories etc in black and white.

That's all I have to say. Just blogging about it helps because it makes me focus instead of mindlessly chomping on something.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v -SHAWN-
    And you've been gone a long while since this post.

    I hope you're just busy with life and that all is well.

    Very sorry about your dad...

    I bet that cruise you all took together as a family (after you published your first book, hey I have it here on my shelf !_! ) has precious memories of time spent together, in a relaxed and happy atmosphere.


    1960 days ago
  • v SCOOTER4263
    So very sorry you have been ill, my friend. Mending takes time; be gentle with yourself.
    2214 days ago
  • v A10TIVTRTL
    I'm sorry you've had such a tough year. I hope the 4th of July weekend goes well for you, hope you are feeling better.
    2214 days ago
  • v LINIS_THIN
    emoticon
    2286 days ago
  • v SPARKGUY
    Hi Elle -- I'm sorry to hear about your father and illness. I'll send thoughts and prayers your way. So happy that you are here blogging and tracking. We're always here for you.

    SparkCheers!

    Chr
    is
    2286 days ago
  • v MERLINANDME
    You are such a marvelous inspiration! It is your unwillingness to live with anything but truth that fills me with so much awe.
    2302 days ago
  • v ANAUTHOR
    Thank you, my friends. Your kindness means everything.
    Elle
    2305 days ago
  • v NATHELESS
    Elle, so sorry to hear that you've been ill and that your father died. That's a lot of turmoil and change to process. Good for you that you're getting a grip through logging and blogging. All my best.../julia
    2305 days ago
  • v COSMIC_ENERGY
    Ellen-Your life has had so many changes in the last few years. I'm sorry to hear about your illnesses. I hope you cna rest and take good care of yourself now. Have you fully allowed yourself to grieve te passing of your father and that you were not able to be there? (I am assuming this part).

    Are you beating yourself up for not being there or that your book got it late? You aren't Superwomen as much as you may have felt like her when on the high of promoting your book. You know life does not always go like we've envisioned. We we do all the right things, xyz is supposed to happen.

    What blesings have come out of all this? Look! You're back here with us--Good to see you my friend--You are so right. Putting it all down in black and white and seeing the numbers, is a come to Jesus moment and keeps us much more honesest.

    If I can do to help-Let me know-

    Jude
    2306 days ago
  • v ATRANSFORMATION
    OMG! Elle. I just gave you a goodie, and NOW am reading your blog. What an ordeal. What pain you have been through. I know there are no words of consolation that would mean anything...

    Just be kind to yourself. And know that you can vent to me, anytime you want (read my blog for today...you'll get it) You've got my phone number now, and you can also call anytime. ANY time...
    2306 days ago
  • v ALLYINTEXAS
    Oh Elle! I had no idea girl! I'm so sorry you have been sick. Isn't it your father who was the chef, maybe it's just a way of holding on to him since food was so important. It's great to see your face again, but I am so sorry you have been sick! And so sorry you lost your beloved dad!
    2306 days ago
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