Monday, March 29, 2010
Wow, where do I start. It feels like I've been gone for an eternity, but really it's only been about a month. Things were really spinning so out of control that I finally had to take a break. We were days away from having our home go into foreclosure, and were in the process of packing and preparing to move. Our debts had mounted to the point we were preparing for bankruptcy. My oldest son was having heart monitoring done because he was having periods of lightheadedness and has a known heart arrhythmia (my sister died from a heart arrhthmia when she was 18). In the middle of it all, my husband went from having his hours cut to working overtime, and I got called back to my second job and started working 7 days a week. And then we both got sick, and I ended up with pneumonia.
Fast forward to now, and after many weeks of chaos and a lot of prayer, life is finally getting back on track. The extra hours we have been working has really helped financially, and we decided to cash in some retirement funds and to pay off most of our debts. That freed up enough money each month that we can afford our increased mortgage payment. (We're still in an ARM and are upside down and can'trefinance with anyone but our current lender, so we're not out of the woods yet, but for the next year or two at least we should be okay if our income stays the same.) The heart testing on my son came back negative. No bankruptcy, no need to move right now, we're all healthy again, we have enough money each month to make ends meet...things are finally looking up and the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. Phew!
The fallout from all of this is that I have not taken care of myself at all - not eating right, not exercising, not taking any "me" time really at all. And that has led to a gain of 14 pounds since the beginning of the year. I really thought that I had overcome most of my "issues" and would just kind of maintain...and I did for a short time...but then I fell right back into old habits which I thought would never return. I stopped using the wonderful tool I have, my band, and then got frustrated that it wasn't working anymore. It's like somehow I expected it would carry me through and I'd be fine, even though I wasn't doing the work. Big mistake. That's like a carpenter tossing his hammer off to the side and somehow expecting it to pound the nails in by itself. Ridiculous! If the tool isn't being actively used the way it was designed, it's not going to do the work.
My take-away from this is that I am now, and will always be, in the process of overcoming. I cannot become complacent, because I will never arrive...never completely overcome. It's like being on a treadmill - I need to make an effort just to remain stationary...if I exert extra effort, I will move ahead, but if I slow down I will start to lose ground and eventually will end up on my butt after being thrown off the back end. That's where I am today...on my butt.
So, I'm dusting myself off and climbing back on the treadmill...both literally and figuratively. I'm going to start using my tool again the way it was designed. No point dwelling on past failures - I can't do anything about what's in the past, so I need to learn from it and move on. It's time to get back to the work of "reshaping" my future.
I'm looking forward to reconnecting with all of my Spark friends, locking arms, and pressing forward together on our journeys. It's great to be back!