Thank you

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Being aware is so empowering, and yet so immensely difficult.

I found this site a little over a month ago. Overwhelmed at first, I couldn't believe there was a place with so many tools, so many options: so many amazing people willing to lend a hand.

I used to consider myself a "pro" on the diet department. I was positive it would only take a bit of willpower to be back where I had been for the longest time. “It’s just that I don’t want to do it now”, I said to myself. Or: “I’m not ready”. Time went on, the willpower never came, and the pounds kept piling on.

Married for 25 years (to my only boyfriend…), with the 2 most amazing kids on Earth, I had to end the marriage to protect the family. I tried, and I tried during so many years, but couldn't save it. It was emotionally draining, and so profoundly sad. The papers were final over a month ago, and no matter what, it feels like something has died with it.

Some days just come and go. My work, something that I feel passionate about, seemed distant, and I had to make an effort to focus. These past years have showed me, yet again, that I’m strong. But I’m tired of being strong.

I can tell myself over and over that this is a phase, that I’ll find the zest of life again, that I’ll laugh out loud and I’ll make other people laugh as I always do; but sometimes it is so hard to believe in a brighter tomorrow, even for a “optimist by conviction” like myself.

This month has been an eye opener for me. Keeping track of what I eat, when and why I do it, has showed me a reality that I didn't want to face: that food had become a companion, a distraction, a caring friend. It had become something to do, something to fill time with: something to fill a void.

And then I found SP. Not used to virtual public spaces, I didn’t know what to expect. I have to say, that I’ve learned more about the strength and the kindness of the human spirit in the past 30 days than in a long, long time.

I’ve met the most amazing people, read the most incredible stories, felt like I’m not alone in this journey called life.

Thank you all for being there, even those who don’t even know it, thank you for being such an inspiration.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JAY75REY
    There is nothing harder than divorce, I think, from my own experience. It will take time but you will heal. Tired of being strong? I can relate. I'm ready to be light and fly like a bird; I don't want to carry the weight of the past around any more.

    2783 days ago
    We've traveled some of the same roads. It WILL get easier, and as my life has shown me with vast potential to be better than you ever imagined. Your core strength and resolve to continue to make your life the best it can be inside and out shows. That you can and are focusing on your health while all else is going on says mountains. Simply AWESOME. And not at all alone. In reading, I had shivers feeling for your pain yet excited for the honor of a glimpse of you in this transformative time -- thank you for sharing.
    2823 days ago
  • SUGIRL06
    Thank you for sharing your story! I am glad too that you found SP. It is such a positive, nurturing community that can help you through many things other than just weight loss. We are here for you!
    2823 days ago
    It's so good that you are discovering new things about yourself by keeping a food journal. I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you the best in your new journey in life. I also wish you much success in conquering your emotional eating. It's hard, but you can do it! emoticon
    2823 days ago
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