Being aware is so empowering, and yet so immensely difficult.
I found this site a little over a month ago. Overwhelmed at first, I couldn't believe there was a place with so many tools, so many options: so many amazing people willing to lend a hand.
I used to consider myself a "pro" on the diet department. I was positive it would only take a bit of willpower to be back where I had been for the longest time. “It’s just that I don’t want to do it now”, I said to myself. Or: “I’m not ready”. Time went on, the willpower never came, and the pounds kept piling on.
Married for 25 years (to my only boyfriend…), with the 2 most amazing kids on Earth, I had to end the marriage to protect the family. I tried, and I tried during so many years, but couldn't save it. It was emotionally draining, and so profoundly sad. The papers were final over a month ago, and no matter what, it feels like something has died with it.
Some days just come and go. My work, something that I feel passionate about, seemed distant, and I had to make an effort to focus. These past years have showed me, yet again, that I’m strong. But I’m tired of being strong.
I can tell myself over and over that this is a phase, that I’ll find the zest of life again, that I’ll laugh out loud and I’ll make other people laugh as I always do; but sometimes it is so hard to believe in a brighter tomorrow, even for a “optimist by conviction” like myself.
This month has been an eye opener for me. Keeping track of what I eat, when and why I do it, has showed me a reality that I didn't want to face: that food had become a companion, a distraction, a caring friend. It had become something to do, something to fill time with: something to fill a void.
And then I found SP. Not used to virtual public spaces, I didn’t know what to expect. I have to say, that I’ve learned more about the strength and the kindness of the human spirit in the past 30 days than in a long, long time.
I’ve met the most amazing people, read the most incredible stories, felt like I’m not alone in this journey called life.
Thank you all for being there, even those who don’t even know it, thank you for being such an inspiration.