been an okay weekend. after friday's meltdown and binge, saturday turned out okay. i got in three hours cardio and ended at 2400 or so calories, which was good because it could have been a lot worse. the boyfriend thought there was going to be a bbq here this weekend and got a huge thing of hummus, two packs of naan bread, and pita potato chips. and, i was alone for the evening last night and dipped into the hummus and naan.
in addition to that, there was an incident that has been ongoing in the family that is a HUGE source of stress, anger, disbelief and anger. did i say anger? maybe rage is more like it.
ive been able to contain it, only letting one family member know my exact feelings but yesterday my whole family had to find out... which was stressful for me and i felt guilty, and well.... i stress ate. and ate.
today was oksy. did three and a half hours cardio.
tracked my food. did not track some pita chips i ate but ....well, okay.
i listened to my sister cry tonite because she is gaining weight. she is 160-something pounds. i know i know... i would give at least a few fingers on my left hand, maybe two on my right, and a few toes to be 160lbs.
but, from a girl who was 110lbs soaking wet, she has gained weight. it is partly her medicine, partly her eating habits. (not that she eats a lot but what she does eat isnt that great.)
i havent seen her in awhile and when i did....yes, i wish i looked like that but she is now....chubby. we run very small. she is 5.1 with her shoes on. and she, unlike me... has a very petite frame. i could be a line backer. she would fall over if someone came rushing at her.
i feel so bad for her.
i dont want her to be like me. i dont want her to get this fat. and yet i dont want to be preachy. i think she knows i am willing to help in any way i can. i made her a cookbook a few years ago with low fat/low carb foods for the kids. i dont know if she still has it. i dont think she would use it anyway.
she joined a weight loss thing at her work and i hope it works for her. but i dont think it will. we talked about it and as much as she knows she needs to do something, i dont think she is ready. i hope she gets ready.
im not making goals this week the night before.
i will make my goals for tomorrow tomorrow. hows about that for a change?
of course, i got a plan in my head but you know, i hate failure. so i will try this this week in order to feel better about myself.