I made a very difficult decision today. I have decided to stop working at my 2 part time jobs. First, the backaches are getting worse. I missed Tuesday this week as I still had the backache I got at work last Tuesday. I get backaches from things that shouldn't effect me. Vacuuming, taking wet clothes out of the washer, washing dishes or windows, carrying things that aren't really heavy. Any motion with my right arm sets the backache off. I’ve done the xrays, therapy thing, pain pills and muscle relaxers, chiropractic sessions, and deep massage. 2 years ago, I even had sets of 3 trigger shots each into my back muscles. Nothing has worked.

There are other issues, too. I will see my primary doc tomorrow. I want her to confirm that I have Raynauds Syndrome. My fingers and feet get cold, the circulation stops, my fingers get white and hurt. My feet burn and it hurts to walk on them. It's not life threatening but my Tuesday job is in an auction arena with 20 overhead doors open for 4 hrs - in all kinds of weather. Not good for Raynauds. I am one in a group of 4 ladies that were assigned to the same area when I went there. I will miss them terribly. But we’ll do lunches.

My other job is at a facility for adults with mental illnesses. I love my residents but some of the work I do causes the backaches. I helped do resident laundry last Sunday, checked meds, checked & reset clocks for daylight savings, up and down stairs. I’ll miss all of them. But I can visit.

Then there's my balance. I've been a little 'off balance' lately. Running into the corners of walls. Having to steady myself while walking. It's not normal for me and it's worrisome.

In the 80s and 90s, I had many neurological tests done as they suspected lupus, MS and other similar diseases. Similar symptoms as now. All tests came back within normal range. So, they tagged me w/fibromyalgia. The antidepressants I got for the depression also relieved the fibro. But that balance problem is back. And I have the soreness in my muscles, again.

And there's the asthma and breathing issues. Asthma in the dry cold weather. Asthma if I try to exert myself in summer or even in the house. I run out of breath so easily. I'm going to request breathing tests that I've also had before. They came back within normal range, too.

I was fortunate to have been able to retire at 58. I had planned ahead. My Social Security started in May ‘09. Fortunately, in the mid-80s, I took out a disability/loss of income policy. I've collected on it just once before. All I've been doing is paying the premiums. I notified them today, have been assigned an adjuster and will be receiving my forms in the mail within days. After a 90-day waiting period, I will begin collecting monthly disability income.

I have cried this afternoon at the thought of having to notify my employers that I can no longer work. I have cried this afternoon because I will miss my friends and residents. I have cried because I am scared. My son told me “It’s time, Mom.” While I will have time to finish de-cluttering, I’ll probably have to hire people to do my electrical, plumbing, painting, floors, etc. All things I’m quite capable of doing myself. It’s similar to giving up one’s independence. Becoming dependent on others.

So, I’m going to pull up my bootstraps, as my Grandma would say, and stop fretting and feeling sorry for myself. I have endured worse! Apparently, It’s just the next step in “growing up.”