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Not proud of myself

Thursday, March 18, 2010

So here I sit. I have recently moved to a new town (my husband's home town) and I am in constant fear of running into people that know my husband's family or grew up with him. My sister has also since moved back to Texas and is now only about 1 hour away from me. We have mutual friends. Couldn't be happier about the move and having all of my family so close to me. I went to college about an hour away as well. The possibility of running into former friends of either myself, my husband or my sister terrifies me.

How could I have let myself get to be 100 freakin' pounds overweight? I am doing so good right now, so don't get me wrong, I am going to lose all of this weight once and for all.

What's my problem, you might ask? Well, I just keep telling myself that I wish I had 6 more months of "hiding" like I have in the past. I am a very social person, you just would never know it. I have tons of friends back where I moved from. They knew me as the funny, fat friend. I just don't want to meet these new prospective friends in my current state of blubber. This isn't me. I am better than what you see on the outside. I am an inner athlete. I am a pretty person. You just can't see that now. I am tired of shopping at Lane Bryant. I want to be that "hip" mom you see dropping her kids off in the morning, perfectly dressed in the latest fashion.

I want to run into people I know from my past with confidence. I am getting there. It is just so slow. I need about one year to achieve this, I think. What would I do if they realized who I was? I know it will happen. Can't avoid it.

The good news is: I am really focused about eating healthy and exercising. I am eating clean and feeling wonderful. I have a new BodyBugg and I can tell this device will change my life. I know it. I actually WANT to sweat and put vegetables in my mouth.

I just wish I would have figured this out 2 years ago...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HULLAF 3/19/2010 11:07AM

    I think you're doing a great job and shouldn't be worried about them. In fact, it would probably help if you ran into someone now and had to face your fear. I think you would find that most people aren't so quick to judge and that you are more focused on this than anyone else would be. I do know where you are coming from and how you feel. More important than anything is how you feel and your ongoing success! Keep up the good work. I know you can do it. emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 3/18/2010 9:04PM

    If they are any kind of friend at all they will remember you for who you are as a person, not for what you looked like before and now. You are taking care of yourself now and that is all that matters.

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ANGIEF09 3/18/2010 6:28PM

    Good for you for realizing what is important, that is the kind of attitude needed to succeed.
I agree with Adriane about not caring what others thing about you. They don't know the "real" you then. There are too many people that judge everyone on appearance, it is such a shame. I know some people that are very fit and thin and are horrible people because they judge us that are not like them as being lazy and all we do is stuff our faces.
I wish you all the success in the world on your healthy new lifestyle journey.
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Angie

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ADRIANE29 3/18/2010 4:13PM

    Well the important thing is, you have figured it out. You know what you want and how to do it and nothing will stop you now! Really, who cares who you run into! What IS important is that if you stay focused and continue to eat right and exercise, the weight will be gone for good! Please don't care what others think. You are doing something about it. You are doing it for you and for your health! I'm rooting for you!!

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