Not proud of myself
Thursday, March 18, 2010
So here I sit. I have recently moved to a new town (my husband's home town) and I am in constant fear of running into people that know my husband's family or grew up with him. My sister has also since moved back to Texas and is now only about 1 hour away from me. We have mutual friends. Couldn't be happier about the move and having all of my family so close to me. I went to college about an hour away as well. The possibility of running into former friends of either myself, my husband or my sister terrifies me.
How could I have let myself get to be 100 freakin' pounds overweight? I am doing so good right now, so don't get me wrong, I am going to lose all of this weight once and for all.
What's my problem, you might ask? Well, I just keep telling myself that I wish I had 6 more months of "hiding" like I have in the past. I am a very social person, you just would never know it. I have tons of friends back where I moved from. They knew me as the funny, fat friend. I just don't want to meet these new prospective friends in my current state of blubber. This isn't me. I am better than what you see on the outside. I am an inner athlete. I am a pretty person. You just can't see that now. I am tired of shopping at Lane Bryant. I want to be that "hip" mom you see dropping her kids off in the morning, perfectly dressed in the latest fashion.
I want to run into people I know from my past with confidence. I am getting there. It is just so slow. I need about one year to achieve this, I think. What would I do if they realized who I was? I know it will happen. Can't avoid it.
The good news is: I am really focused about eating healthy and exercising. I am eating clean and feeling wonderful. I have a new BodyBugg and I can tell this device will change my life. I know it. I actually WANT to sweat and put vegetables in my mouth.
I just wish I would have figured this out 2 years ago...