Wednesday, March 17, 2010
For weeks, I've spent a most of my days in my pajamas. I work Tuesday mornings; I put my jammies on that night and most weeks, I'm still wearing them when the next Tuesday comes around. I felt absolutely nasty after a week in the same clothes; no brushing my teeth; just putting my hair up in a clip without even brushing it. Never washing my face. This is how my months have been going lately. But I've had my Ah Ah moment.
This morning, I expected to run errands. So, I cleaned up, brushed my teeth, washed my face and put moisturizer and make-up on. Even brushed my hair before putting it in the clip. Even put my Curves ShapeUps on. As it turned out, I didn't need to go out.
I can't believe how good I feel. It was a little of an effort to get myself cleaned up. But the results are amazing. For me, I feel as I dress. Clean, pretty, capable. Since my weight loss goal is to get down a size in jeans, my jeans are getting baggy but that makes me feel good, too.
I think the new antidepressant is working, finally. But, the point I really want to make, is about how Spark has helped me. The biggest part of my Spark Day is the emails I receive alerting me to check in with new Spark members. I welcome each new member as I get the emails; I always check back in when I'm alerted to a new post.
I have taken the focus off myself. I am helping others. Over the years, I've been involved in many volunteer projects. I participated mostly because my therapist said "it's a gym or it's volunteering.' I choose what I thought was the easier of the 2. My volunteer work saved me at that time as I had to pay attention while I was helping others. MS clients, abandoned and abused children, the elderly who had no visits from family, fund raising by running cruise bingo on a gaming ship (that was a hard gig.). That's when I realized that my capacity for caring for others was a strong point of my personality.
SparkPeople is allowing me to go back to that time in my life where part of my therapy was helping others. I feel so good answering the posts I get. I have made some dear friends on this site. When other Sparkers are dealing with depression (which I still deal with and always will) I encourage others, gently, to try replying to the emails they receive as alerts to postings. If I could only convey to them what a boost it will be for them.
It's difficult to get started. I still have to push myself to do many things - I got the trash to the curb today; that's 2 weeks in a row. I'm slowly de-cluttering my house. I'm enjoying seeing a clean living room again. There's a ton of stuff to get done here, but I'm chipping away at it. I wrote the following to another Sparker. Try to think of your depression as a huge boulder; try to chip away at it by doing for others. It will eventually become a stone that is more manageable. One day, it'll be a pebble. Then we go to a pond and skip that pebble across the water. For me, they'll always be residuals of that pebble. But it's no longer a boulder.