Motivation: Lost and Found
Monday, March 15, 2010
When I was little, I remember my mother always used to sigh dreamily and say "Richard Burton can put his shoes under my bed anytime!"
Being young, and having absolutely no clue about the facts of life, I used to wonder why would Richard Burton put his shoes under a bed instead of in the entryway like the rest of the guests? I even asked my sister who was four years older and she snickered and told me to go ask Mom. Fortunately I wasn't THAT interested at the time and it wasn't until I was somewhat older and happened to think about it that I finally got it and had a chuckle.
Years later when I well into my weight loss journey -- in fact about 20 pounds away from my goal, we had one of those silly female conversations that only women at work on a rare slow day can have. The subject? If you had a "free pass" to make love with any man on earth other than your husband who would it be?
Another nurse in my office thought a moment and shook her head. "Nope girls, sorry to disappoint, but I have to say there is no one other than my husband!"
We all groaned and rolled our eyes until we remembered that she was married to a blue-eyed rugged cowboy type whom we all dubbed "The Marlborough man". He brought her Starbucks every morning just because he loved her.
Ok. My turn. They all turned questioning eyes on me.
Without hesitation I told them it was Antonio Bandaras. Besides being tall, dark, and handsome, he had that incredibly sexy Spanish accent. Why he could just talk in that suave Latino voice and I was in the mood, I told them.
My friend, Terry laughed and said that I must be the only woman in the world who could watch the movie "Shreck" and get turned on when Puss 'N Boots spoke!
Later that night while cuddling with my husband on the couch (secretly thrilled that finally both of us could fit on the couch together), I told him about the conversation. He laughed and told me that if Antonio ever called me and said that he wanted MY body, it was OK. After all it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and because he loved me, he wouldn't stand in the way. Teasingly, I said OK, turnabout is fairplay. If HE had a once in a lifetime opportunity offer, whom would he like it to be? He immediately replied that it was Michelle Pfeiffer. We shook hands on it and I snuggled in closer to him, watching TV.
After a minute he said, "You know I'm not really worried about you and Antonio."
"Oh yeah"? I replied. "Why is that"?
"Because when anyone mentions the word SEX in your presence, you've suddenly got a headache"!
I whacked him with a cushion and of course had to prove him wrong...
It got to be a standing joke between us. For some strange reason, when I needed a boost of motivation to continue on with my weight loss efforts, I used to think about Antonio calling and panicking because I still had X amount of weight to lose! I simply wouldn't feel comfortable standing nude in front of Antonio Bandaras if I was even one pound more than my goal. He was after all, used to seeing Melanie Griffith in the buff and that was SOME competition!
The day I stepped on the scale at the Y and saw that I had reached my goal weight -- 70 pounds lost -- I could hardly wait to get home and tell my husband. I burst through the door proclaiming:
"Guess what? This body is FINALLY Antonio Bandaras ready!!"
That was four years ago and I had all but forgotten about what I jokingly refer to as my "Antonio Bandaras phase". I was in the process of trying to maintain that 70 pound weight loss and finding out that sometimes it was more of a struggle than I had anticipated. I was status quo at work and church now. Old acquaintances were used to my new weight and quit remarking about it long since. New friends had no idea that I even ever used to weigh so much more. Most of the time I managed quite well because so many of the healthy changes that I had made, like regular exercise, were now habits. I really had adopted a new healthy lifestyle. Finding Spark People was a HUGE boost and I continually find motivation and inspiration by logging on and tracking food, fitness, and visiting friends pages.
Lately, however, I hit what I term a "blah" spell. Maybe it has been the gloomy, cloudy, rainy, chilly weather here in Iowa. Days upon days without sunshine. That has meant exercising daily at the YMCA when I used to love walking or running outdoors in the sunshine, breathing in the fresh air!
As I pronounced in my status not too long ago, I spilled tea all over my beloved Macbook laptop and soaked it into ruination. The cost of repairing it will almost be the cost of a whole new laptop. So what did I do? Attack a box of Girl Scout cookies that I had bought from a co-worker "for my husband". Half way through the box reality gripped me and I acknowledged to myself that all those cookies gone weren't going to revive my computer, so I tossed the box into the back of the pantry and went in search of my motivation.
I started in my closet. I looked at all the labels - Small, Size 2, Medium, Size 4, Petite. I had donated all my "fat clothes" so I had nothing to compare the new ones with. The reality of just how many clothes I owned prevented me from the temptation of going out for a little "retail therapy" and buying more.
I dug out old photo albums to look for pictures that would help me see how much I had lost, only to realize that when I was over weight I loathed having my picture taken so I was hard pressed to find even one single picture of my former heavier self.
I pulled out the log of my strength training that I had kept the first year I started exercising and looked over the numbers so I could see how the weights I was lifting had gotten progressively heavier over time.
I reviewed the log of my measurements.
Got onto Spark People and looked over my whole page. Reread my blogs.
I even went to the pages of some of my most motivating friends: DDOORN, BOTZZZ, and others and reread some of THEIR blogs.
Nada, still BLAH. Not in the mood to eat healthy. Don't want to exercise.
I even pulled out the BIG gun. I went to KITT52's page! Gasp! If that woman doesn't inspire you nobody will.
Sadly to say I was still in a funk. I had put on 5 pounds and felt wretched. That was the top of my comfort zone. I lamented to my husband:
"Help! I've lost my mojo and I can't get it back!!"
I don't even know if women have mojos but it sounded appropriate at the time.
Hmm he thought. Did I try...
Yup. No go.
"Sorry Babe", he told me. "Cant help ya" and he disappeared downstairs to watch TV.
A little while later while I was back reading "The Spark" searching for that much needed push -- my cell phone rang. I glanced at it and saw that it was from my husband. That's odd.
I picked it up and quizzically said, "Hello"?
In his best latin lover impression, he breathed into the phone --
"Zhoe-Ahn. Deese eez Antonio Bahn-dah-ross and I want your sexy bodeee!!"
I couldn't help but burst out laughing and I I told him absolutely! Just let me QUICKLY take these five pounds off first.
So the other day when my granddaughter was here and she asked if I would fix us a snack and watch the movie "Shreck" with her.
I told her I'd be happy to fix HER a snack and watch the movie, but Grandma wasn't going to eat because she wasn't hungry.