Sunday, March 14, 2010
Ahh...the water park.
I think I did good. I put on that bathing suit, no towel wrapped around for security, and happily walked out with my family. Of course at this point the bathing suit is one of those 2-piece skirted jobs instead of the teeny bikini, but I did feel comfortable in it.
Then we started floating down the lazy river on the inner tubes and I was trying to help my daughter get back onto her tube. ROLL CAMERA! Over I flip off the tube, legs over head, under the tube, under water. The lifeguard comes running. I get up. I tell them that I think I can handle it because IT'S ONLY 2.5' DEEP! My daughter is laughing "Mommy, that was really funny!" I laugh too "Yeah, I bet it was!". The only thing that was not so funny is that when I was flipping I hit the inside of my elbow on the rock wall and now have a bruise and scrape about 6" wide by 8" long. That really hurt. My pride wasn't hurt. It WAS funny.
Of course I just couldn't help myself. I found myself comparing myself to others from a distance. OK, I'm about HER size. Strange thing was when that person got closer and was right next to me, she was almost twice my size. Next one would come up that I thought was about the same size as myself, same thing would happen. After a few misses I realized how skewed my perception of myself has been. Then I had to try to pick slightly smaller people and work my way down and was really pretty surprised when the one that walked past me that was actually about the same size as myself at how small she actually was.
Thank you Spark People and all of my buddies for the support. It really does begin from the inside out, doesn't it? We need to accept ourselves and get a realistic self image before we can begin our transformation. Maybe now I can rid myself of a lot of my negative self-hating and turn it to a much more positive theme. Chronic pain can really do a number on you can't it, body and mind!