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Struggling!!!

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Me and the pinata. hehe
Me and my sistah @ underground Atlanta

I just realized it has been a month since my last blog. Funny!
I am really struggling here guys. I had been doing soo good. I made a commitment in January and stuck to it. In Febuary, I still stayed on and was loving it. My "sis" came on March 2nd, and I felt like the strongest person in the diet world. Food had no pawer, and it wasn't even hard to eat right. My party came and went, my sister left, and this last week has been a diet nightmare. I have eeked out one or 2 good eating days this week. The rest of them were binge filled, carb loaded, and AWFUL. One day I didn't even care. I tried to remember why I was trying to eat good. Trying to remember WHY I really even cared. The days have been cloudy, rainy, boring. I am stressing big time about finances, and everything just seems dark and heavy. When I lived in the midwest, I used to experience SADD, (winters were mostly cloudy and gloomy) so the weather may have something to do with it, too. I have gotten in a few workouts, which even then I had to literally FORCE myself to do. And the only reason I even found that strength was b/c I had to "report" to Angela and Heather. so I got on Spark to see how everyone else was totally kicking butt, and found some motivation to get it done. :) (Thanks for all you inspiring ladies!!)
So now I am freaking out. I feel like I just went right back up to 280+ pounds, even though my clothes are fitting the same, I am TERRIFIED. I am back up to 230, when a month ago I was at 227. So in over a month, I have GAINED 3 lbs and lost none. AAARRRRGGGHH I just wish I could stop this cycle. I can usually do low carb and lose the cravings, but since I had given myself a "free" weekend, I had plenty of carbs in my system, and that on top of it the lack of mental strength, I got in ONE good low carb day, and the next day I broke it, and binge ate. I just feel so weak mentally. I have figured out that I can make a commitment to myself and stick to it. This was an AMAZING realization. It was very free-ing. This week, it was NOT THERE. I "commited" to my low carb, and before I knew it, I was bingeing. I committed the next day and lost it again. The day after I just said screw it. BLAH
So, I am thinking of how to get back on track.
My first step is to go get my workout in, as soon as I finish this blog. I have learned that exercising does help me keep my focus, even if I am not giving it 100%, it helps. I am commiting here to me and all of you that read this, that I will do my CLX Push circuit, PLUS at least 20 minutes of cardio.
My next step will be to figure out a food plan (I will decide during my workout) I am going to write out my plan, and commit to sticking to it. I MUST do this. I suspect that part of the reason I was so strong in the previous couple of months was b/c I knew that my sis was coming, and I was soo determined to look my best. I need to find that spark again. It was great to feel so motivated that nothing was getting in my way! lol
My third plan of action is to write out my goals, in black and white. I will focus on these more, if I write them out.
WEll, i am still down 50 lbs, I am still getting comments on my weight loss, and my clothes are even looser than they were 2 months ago. I need to focus on the positive, and keep going. If anyone has any ideas, tips, or encouragement, please feel free to share!!! :):)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLEONIKI 4/11/2010 6:15PM

    The fact that you blogged your struggling sounds like " i am again back" to me; it rests only to accept this inner need of yours to get back on track and restart .
Good luck!
Kleoniki emoticon

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KLEONIKI 4/11/2010 6:15PM

    The fact that you blogged your struggling sounds like " i am again back" to me; it rests only to accept this inner need of yours to get back on track and restart .
Good luck!
Kleoniki emoticon

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KISHEGER 4/11/2010 4:28PM

    Focus on the postive. It will give you the confidence to keep going and not give up. YOu are doing well; give yourself that credit. Feel good about yourself and it will give you the power and energy to continue.

Hugs,
Erika

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DREMARGRL 4/11/2010 3:28PM

    Hi,
Everyone slips now and again and it's important that you just don't wait too long before you get yourself together again. Sounds like you have done that. I have been struggling with that, too, since my mother was diagnosed in Dec. Continuing to gain was just not getting it! So....I'm almost back to even again and can continue on my journey next week. Taking care of myself has got to take priority to keep my sanity! Hope you continue to stay committed...even through the rough patches.
Still cheering for you, bonita.
XO
MaryAnn

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ANGELAK85 4/1/2010 3:04PM

  I don't know why I never saw this blog before. I know exactly what you are going through, because I have been doing the same. I do really awesome for 1-2 weeks and then on a weekend of even a few days a week, I just break and I eat horrible! We are STRONG though, and some how we always bounce back, we never ever let the food take total control over us. I am proud of you, and for how far you have come. I love ya girl!

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WEN@TBAY 3/29/2010 6:47PM

    I think you are right about setting a new goal--You pushed really hard to meet the last one (sis's visit) and afterward you had a bit of a motivation tail spin--it happens--add the crummy weather and the SADD blahs and you had a mini meltdown--the good news is, you can nip it in the bud before 3lbs turns into 30!

You have accomplished so much and have so much to be proud of! I know you will get right back on track. Do you have any trips, weddings, visits or other things coming up that you can work toward? Or is there something that you really want to buy that you can treat yourself to for hitting a small goal? Doesn't have to be pricey--even a pedicure or a new book or movie or itunes card can work.

GO for it! : )

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KGELDOF 3/24/2010 8:40PM

    Hope this week treated you better!

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SALVARAD1 3/24/2010 8:41AM

    You know what? Just the fact that you are so open and honest with your feelings is inspiring. You will do it: you have been in this place before but found it within to keep moving past, in spite of, and beyond the setbacks. As you may have hear, the measure of (wo)man is not in her accomplishments or successes but in how she deals with her "failures" or set backs. Thank you so much for posting this. It is quite inspirational in its own way.

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IVORYGIRL1776 3/20/2010 1:43PM

    Hi Jenny,

WOW! we've been living parallel lives!!! After weeks of careful tracking of my food, I didn't eat properly one day, left myself get too hungry, came in from a sporting event and commenced with binging. It went on for 2 weeks and I gained back 5 lbs. I have felt disgusted and unmotivated. I had traded temporary relief with permament misery! I have gained back the same 10 -15 lbs. over the last 2 years and I want to get out of this bad cycle. I have alot more to lose than just the 15 lbs. too.

Would you partner with me for just one week, at a time, of low carb eating??? We could plan our eating and e-mail each other our plan each day?

Let me know if you like to do this.

Hugs,
Ivorygirl

Comment edited on: 3/20/2010 1:46:09 PM

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BECKYCOLVIN 3/16/2010 12:56AM

    Hey, I know the desperate feeling of not being able to get control. Refined carbs are awful--so addictive, bloat you almost instantly, and it's like you can consume a crazy amount of calories without even realizing.

I'm glad to see your last paragraph. You are NOT 280 lbs again--you are slimmer & healthier than you have been in several years. This is a journey, and as long as we keep plugging away at it, we'll get there. :)

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KIMBEROU812 3/14/2010 1:53PM

    You said it girl, "focus on the positive" that is the best thing you can do right now. Forget about last week and don't worry about what it "did" to you. Overall the big picture is your still moving in the right direction! I know you can do it, it was just a small slip and may be because you were anticipating your sis coming and the let down of her being gone plus the weather could have had a whole lot to do with it!
Be strong rely on yourself and trust in you that you CAN be right back doing as good as before. I know you will. Hugs!! Sorry it's been a rough week!


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FRENCHTOSD 3/13/2010 4:36PM

    Focus on one or two small changes and start there. When you're feeling overwhelmed, it's not good to take on too much. As you see, you keep crashing and burning.

I would look at the Fast Break Goals on the site or in The Spark book if you have it. Starting there, can get you back on track. You will probably find that you are already doing a lot already. It's hard to tell how good you're doing when you focus on the places that are going wrong.

I think the other key is to keep posting and Sparking so that motivation will come to you. You know this is the right spot, so hang out here a little more for a few weeks to get going again.

I liked your ending - you have lost 50 pounds - that is a huge success. Hang in there!

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SPUNKYDUCKY 3/13/2010 4:15PM

    Hello beautiful! Aarrragghhh! what a rotten week. But you are STRONG, and you want to change yourself, that is what matters. I agree about winter and I have a sneaking suspicion that many people's plateaus are going to go away pretty soon. Make your plan, work your plan. Tell yourself that not working the plan is not an option. Have you ever considered giving up your "free weekends?" Just a thought...I am can't do them. I have learned over time, that eating heavy rich food in me leads to more of the same, including worse craving and binges. Occasionally I give in and indulge (usually within my calories) but I have to think about totally changing the way I eat - because I am addicted to some heavy foods and eating them just makes the following week so HARD for me...not worth it. Just food for thought. Everyone is a little different in what helps them to succeed. You look fab in the photos above and I know you can do this!
Hollynn

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DANCENTHERAIN 3/13/2010 1:35PM

    You can get back on track. Sounds like you are getting a good plan together. Now you just have to do it. emoticon

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SHERYLDS 3/13/2010 1:16PM

    The past is behind you...don't worry about it. When it comes to weight loss, regreting what MIGHT have been, is a complete waste of time. Just focus on the journey ahead. The only suggestion I would offer you is: if starchy carbs are your weak point avoid them at all costs. In fact to over compensate on avoiding starchy carbs, I double up on veggies, especially cabbage. Added value, cabbage is a powerful diuretic.
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ADAROBMEK 3/13/2010 11:33AM

    Hey There,
My name is Bob. I just joined Spark yesterday. I know what you are goin through. I am 43 yrs old and 397 lbs. I graduated from high school at under 175 lbs. I am a Deacon and love the Lord. I am now committed and will get back to 230, when I looked my best. I stop and pray every time I want to go off track and find it keeps me from doing so. Do it for even the slightest piece of a spaghetti noodle. I started a Team last night called "Bodies" of Christ. I willbe there for anyone who need spiritual support or any kind of support for that matter. Stay in Christ and you will do it. Come visit me there.
God Bless

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LOOZINITNOW 3/13/2010 11:18AM

    This has been my week also! But, today is a new day and it is time to grab the wagon and proceed on. emoticon

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GLORYTOGLORY 3/13/2010 11:08AM

    seems like you got a good plan! emoticon

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ANGEL012086 3/13/2010 11:08AM

    I so know how you are feeling! I have times when I am 100% committed and do great with my eating, get lots of exercise and it just seems to come easily. And then there are the times when I don't know why I bother. When I feel like where I am is fine because it could be worse, so why strive for better.

What I have found is that what works for me one week, may not work for me the next. Sometimes I can meal plan and basically have every single thing I am going to eat for the entire week mapped out and stick to it. Same with exercise; I can schedule every minute of exercise and not have a problem sticking to it. And then there are the weeks that I couldn't stick to a plan if my life depended on it.

So I guess my advice is to just come up with a new plan. Keep reminding yourself how far you have come (which, by the way, losing 50 pounds is amazing! Congratulations!) and remind yourself why you want to keep going. Don't stress too much about the bad days you've had. They're over and done with and all you can do now is move forward and strive to do better and have less and less of those bad days.

But let's face it, I know that even when I have reached my goal and can say that I have fully embraced the healthy lifestyle, there are still going to be days when I say "Exercise? Pfffft!" or pig out on food I shouldn't even have in the house. To be successful at losing the weight and keeping it off, there has to be a little wiggle room for the occasional day like that because it's not realistic to expect to be perfect.

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SIGLED 3/13/2010 10:57AM

    "But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." -- Isa 43:1

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." -- Isa 43:2

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