Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I am so upset right now I could spit nails, swallowing them back and spit 'em out again.
I guess we've all got our own PBH** to deal with in our lives. I'm not even going to ask WHY.
mine is a "brother" one who went into violence (beating on me), stealing from others/ taking anything he wanted to when ever he wanted , got into drugs and alcohol for a while. Wanted to be a big hit in the music business. has expected someone else to take care of him all his life. Someone would always bail him out. would hit up our 90+ year old grandma all the time. then our dad. any one he knew, didn't have to be a relative, but that was preferable cuz of "family obligations" made people feel guilty. A master of manipulation.
No contact for years, then when dad died, all of a sudden *I* am supposed to be the "soft touch". sigh. He was going to lose his condo because he stopped paying the association fees. Since his story was he was trying to fix it and sell it, my dear dear husband (the BEST in the world!!) and I sent him some $$ - Didn't make sense to lose his home, but also told him it was a ONE TIME gift and DO NOT contact us again for money.
matter of fact, he was told we did not want a relationship at all with him..he's that toxic.
In the 5 years since he keeps contacting me for "help" He got his degree, and is now in an occupational therapy school somewhere. good for him (really)
He emails me almost year ago.. with all sorts of questions and innuendos. I spent 9 hours answering and explaining things, and posing questions of my own..his response? "I've got finals, I can't respond right now" Never did get an answer. get more calls from him (I prefer to deal with him via email instead of on the phone because I can formulate what I want to say better- it's not as emotional) He's been asked numerous times not to call the house and to email me (let's face it: another reason is kids don't give messages well) last fall he tried the guilt rips (not a typo) again "Our cousin sends me care packages" "i don't think our dad would want me eating beans and rice" HUH?? sounds pretty healthy to me!. has totally bad mouthed me with aunts and cousins, but no one asks me for the other side of the story
OK, so I figure if I can hand out oranges to the beggars on the street corners, I can send him some food...via gift card. Ask him where he shops..it's a place called "Trader Joe's" . come to find out, TJ has no presence where I live. Nowhere in the state. TJ's does not sell ANYTHING by phone, internet or snail mail, not even gift cards.
I put out some effort (why, oh why???? such a glutton for punishment!) and find some one willing to go to TJs and pick up 3 gift cards (I figure I'll send one a month..don't trust him with cash). 3 months later I find someone else to do it. Now mind you, this involves a bit of effort, not just on myself but on someone else. I sent a check, they have to cash it, purchase the cards, send them back to me and then I send the GC to him. 1st one received, I get an email that says "I'm puzzled, but thanks" Not a word after that. (six months of free money/food.)
UNTIL a month goes by and he doesn't get one. I emailed him back, explained the situation and told him a walmart card was in the mail. His answer today? "thank you for thinking of me but I don't shop at walmart"
I am screaming inside!! I am cussing like the worst cusser you can think of (don't want to disparage sailors or marines here, but it's worse). You can't be very hungry (or "desperate" as he put it) if you are refusing a gift card to a place where you can purchase things to eat.
Gosh, when my kids were little and there was no money how much a gift card/certificate would have helped!!
Now that he expects the monthly stipend, it's no longer a gift given freely. "free food for you" oh, it's not at the restaurant I like so I don't want it" ??
I emailed him back and said "Oh I'm sorry- I was just trying to help. Send it back when you get it. not a problem"
and I know I "shouldn't" let it get to me, but it does. the camel's back is totally broken in 2.
there will be absolutely no more help. he can starve if he so chooses (and will do a great job of martyrdom while he's at it.)
This may all be a bit disjointed, and not nearly touching the tip of the ice berg of everything..but thanks for letting me blow.