Wednesday, March 10, 2010
This has been a very emotional week for me. I find myself struggling not only with weight but emotionally & physically. I try to stay positive, but old hurts and memories keep creeping in. This past weekend a dear & wonderful person passed on. Her son emailed us and said that her last words were." I see the light & I see God". That is so comforting to know. Rest in Peace Joyceeee & as you said to Bett. " Fly With The Angels". ( Bett is my sister who passed while I was having treatment.)
Very mixed emotions have been flooding me & I just can't seem to get it right. My calories have been up & down. as did my weight. I went up 1/2 pound. The old me would have said.. Ok you blew it now go eat & stuff the feelings. Yet. I have not. Yeah me. When I said my calories were up. it was because of the irregular eating, & the big fluctuation with my Bloodsugar. My own fault. yet I did put down on SP everything in I ate.
No excuses. I am back on track today.. I decide to ask for support & share what I have been going through. Not hiding, not stuffing ice cream Pie, pizza, deli.. Like the old day.
I went over with healthy food. I had a bigger portion. No excuses.. Let Me say it.. I DID EMOTIONALLY EAT WITH THE BIGGER PORTIONS.
As I wrote this I stopped & said who am I kidding. Only me.. Justification of my actions. No Good.
I realized I did fall of the wagon & without being on SP. By not writing this I would have continued to justify & rationalize and just plain been a failure to me. Not posting it would have just been another wall to hide behind.
Today, this moment is a new beginning for me.
I wish you all a wonderful Day. Thank You all for giving me hope & support & inspiration.
Thank you all for allowing me to write this & be honest enough to post it.
If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
- Mary Pickford