Monday, March 08, 2010
those dreaded 2 words have left fear in me for the past few years. Tomorrow we are headed to Lake George to spend an overnight at the indoor water park for my daughter's 9th birthday.
Isn't it funny how we don't appreciate what we have when we have it? I think I must have looked nice body-wise in my teens and twenties. Never had to worry about my weight (sorry to those of you who have). Even in my twenties I was asked to and did a commercial that aired on the television where I was in a tanning bed in a tiny little neon pink bikini. So others must not have thought I looked too bad or they wouldn't have asked me to do the commercial, right? How did they get me in that commercial you ask? It was for a Country Club that I was bartending at and when they asked me to be in the commercial I said "no problem". Figured I'd be behind the bar in the commercial. Surprise, "put this on". Good thing the owners of the Country Club were such wonderful people and they look me by surprise!
Strange thing was, was that I was always self conscious. I never thought that my body looked that good. I always felt fat (even at 125 lbs/ 5' 8") and have never been comfortable in a swimsuit. Of course, now it doesn't help matters that my DH of 10 years, dated for 3 years before that still looks wonderful with not an ounce of fat on his very muscular body (one benefit of being a farmer). If anything, his body looks better, more muscular and well defined. That sucks in a way. I'm proud of him but wish I'd kept up better. Feels like it accents the worse that I look.
Things are going to change this year in bathing suit land.
I promise that I am going to let loose and just have fun and stop worrying about what others may think of how I look.
I'll try not to notice all the younger girls and women checking out my DH and me getting nipped a little by that jealousy bug.
I'm going to try to be happy with what I look like at this point (because the weight is just not going away) and live life to the fullest, which doesn't include being self conscious.
I'm going to have FUN tomorrow (pain permitting...).