Update and re-emergence
Monday, March 08, 2010
Well I thought I would drop a line and let everyone know where I am and why I'm quiet as of late. If you saw my previous post you would have read the blog of a depressed, frustrated girl on the edge of failure, for no other reason than a small injury (ok, nothing broken but over a month later and my back is just revently getting back to normal. I CAN ALMOST BEND DOWN AND PICK THINGS UP AGAIN!) threw my excersize routine out the window and my seratonin levels dropped significantly. To top it off, I was stuck in my tiny bedroom that I was unable to keeps straight because it's hard to pick up when you can't pick anything up...
But all that has changed... I've been working hard, doing my meager stretches daily and now I'm up and doing my power walks again. Only ten minutes at a pop, but it's better than nothing. I'm feeling better and I'm not reaching for the comfort foods as much. I'm feeling better so I'm making smarter decisions.
Yes, I was on the edge of that cliff known as failure... And It seemed bad. The weight I lost before I hurt my back (Sigh I just started the spark diet and bam I'm broken...Sigh) is almost all back but I'm not beating myself up.
During my recovery, when I spent many many hours in bed I started reading The Spark and I cried, I cry now thinking about it. I cried because I know that I can do this, that we all can do this and the tears are the anger and doubt leaving. I cried reading all those beautiful comments everyone made, and the mail I got. I cried everytime I looked at my page and realized I'm not alone, and even though we've never met, there are people out there who love and support me, and know I can do this even when I don't. Yes I'm emo. I cry for everything. But I wanted to let everyone know that I'm done feeling sorry for myself, I'm done taking the lazy way out.
HERE IS MY VOW:
I VOW TO LOVE MYSELF, TO FORGIVE MYSELF MY SHORTCOMMINGS. I VOW TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP, THEN THE NEXT AND IF I TRIP, I'LL GET BACK UP AND KEEP WALKING BECAUSE I'M STRONG AND I'M WORTH WORKING HARD OVER. I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, AND HEALTHY AND LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!