Sunday, March 07, 2010
I have nothing of interest to say. Right now it is just more of the same. I am doing well mentally LCing, but I am finding the rate of weight loss to be frustrating emotionally. I fear I will lose motivation. I'm angry with myself for caving to the well-meaning "suggestion" to regain weight; I'm angry with Ken for suggesting that I regain weight; but I know I am the MOUTH that ate the excess food that put on the pounds, and the mind that chose the foods that I KNEW would put on the pounds. I know that I am the weak person who wanted to be loved so much that I did this to myself!
CARBS ARE ADDICTING! Sugars are poison for me!
I no longer want the invisibility that fat affords. I no longer am willing to tolerate my waddle, or my bad knees, or my ill-fitting clothes. I don't want new clothes; I want to be thin again! I want to feel pretty and attractive again. I want to feel healthy and energetic again! And I admit it -- I want to be young again.
I did TRY, but I can't turn back the age/time clock. But I CAN lose this weight. God give me patience!
I wish the anger would burn itself out. Better yet, I wish I knew how to USE my anger to achieve my goals faster: be a stronger & better person, be thinner.