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    JEFONDE   3,703
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My continous battle with food addiction and emotional eating :S


Sunday, March 07, 2010

I don`t know if consequence of the stress i've been going through lately or me being an emotional eater but I AM REALLY STRUGGLING LATELY WITH MY DIET. i get anxiety just thinking of it and when i come to track my food and it`s mid day and i`ve already eaten over 1000 calories i`m a nervous wreck. i don`t know what is happening to me but i feel like i`m loosing my mind over this obsession to be thin and this addiction i have to food. I really believed when i started this new year i had won the battle and now i realize it truly is a problem deeper then lbs deeper then portion control...well i knew it but i guess its even deeper and more disturbing then i thought!!!!...... I remember when i started last year to loose the weight thinking when i get to 145 i will love my body and feel so much better about myself. i think in some way.....i felt better in my skin at 200 then i do now.

In the processes of loosing weight i was falling in love with myself again and so loving the new Irene...i was slowly gaining control of my life again and overcoming obstacles and doing things i never thought i could do. I don`t know if it was all too much too soon but i`m very drained and anxious when it comes to taking care of me these last 2 or so months....its truly a big effort and tiring. it was easy being 200+lbs i didn`t have to be accountable but now its another story people r looking to me for inspiration and constantly checking me out when the see me. The gym i work out at asked me last week for before and after pics of me...you would think i`d be flattered by that i was partially but mostly i was like i can`t find any nice after pics...my expectations went up another notch and i was beginning to wonder can i truly be that poster girl for his campaign he is running at the gym (biggest looser program) i`m telling u since he`s asked i`ve been eating like no tomorrow and sabotaging everything i`ve worked hard for. I NEED TO GET A GRIP & every meal i tell myself its a new meal, a new day...u know what u have to do, don`t sweat it...yet my motions don`t want to listen to all that logic. in just one week i went up on the scale approx 4-5lbs. i had said good bye to the 140`s now this morning i weighed in @ 142...i`m so angry with myself but yet i`m like hungry all the time and all hormonal....anyone else ever feel this anxiety at this point in the weight loss journey. You know the other day i bought a box of thinsations bars both in chocolate and cheesecake....i ate the 2 boxes in two days....whats the use of 100 calorie snack when u end up eating the whole box. I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF. I find these 5lbs i gained really show and had such a hard time getting dressed today....i found myself to be very self-conscious and all of this is making me extremely sad. I have a daughter and i want to lead a good example and be a role model but what am i saying about myself and teaching her if i can't love my body and celebrate my curves.... It`s the flab & cellulite that gets to me really but whatever my self consciousness is all about....i'm beginning to think its really unhealthy...in just a few months i went from being proud to extremely self-conscious i wonder why???
Anyhow...i could go on and on but ya i`d love to hear from u all and see if there r others that can relate and have overcome....truly overcome their addiction, emotional eating.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
OOLALA53 3/10/2010 7:05PM

    You have hit the nail on the head. We can "diet" to a certain weight. But how do we live? I don't know what the answer will be for you, but my most recent one has been the No S Diet. It should really be called the No S lifestyle. I don't feel like I am dieting. I feel like I am living my life, eating my meals, enjoying my food. However, I am not at a goal weight. But I am not going to judge any weight results until I have been doing this for one year. I am just so happy not to be stressing over my meals.

I know you will find the routine you can LIVE with. emoticon

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SIEGRID 3/9/2010 4:06PM

    Lot's of good advice given here. I am also addicted to food. I have also being going through a bad time since august of last year. I did manage to put back on 15 pounds. But when I start giving myself talks it usually gets worse and then I berate myself more. I have gotten past how I look, although I admit to liking alot the way I do, but now for me it comes down to how I feel. How much energy I have and the things that I am able to now that I couldn't before, mind you I am a lot older than you are. My maianstay is susgarless gum which I chew like it's going out of style :-). Don't give up on yourself and don't put yourself down. Everyone has bad days. Love your body and youirself and try concentrating on energy levels. It works for me.

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NEVERNAKED 3/8/2010 8:55AM

    strummin' my pain with her fingers, singin' my life with her words..

you have described me..to a tee! it's incredible.

so, i don't know if i can offer any words of wisdom but please know that you are not alone in your struggles. i have the same ugly conversations with myself everyday.

i think that being happy in your own skin is the ultimate goal and it's something we all strive for..some more successfully than others.

so, i offer you hugs and the comfort of knowing you're not alone..i'm sorry i can't be more helpful!

try to have a cheerful day,
Tracy :)



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CINDYT63 3/7/2010 10:58PM

    When you are overweight it's easy to think all your problems are because you are overweight. So when you lose the weight there's no focus for all that anxiety. It sounds like the honeymoon is over with the weight loss and you are struggling with the "I'm not enough" issue. At the core of your issues are probably self esteem issues that are exacerbated by the emotional issues you are going through. It sounds like a counsellor and a support system could help.
We all need to learn to love ourselves regardless of our weight, and find other ways of coping and taking care of ourselves.
You don't have to be perfect.
AND...the 21 day binge free team is an excellent source of support and accountability for whatever you are working on.
Good luck to you. You have accomplished alot. Celebrate yourself!
Cindy

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SPARKNMOM 3/7/2010 8:42PM

    Hugs to you. Sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. I know that for ME, it's SO much more than losing the weight. Like you, I've dealt with emotions that I never imagined since losing the weight. I feel like I'm a whole new me and everything and everyone around me is the same...and I no longer fit.

I stalled about 20 pounds before I hit goal - and I was stalled for about 7 months. I don't think I sabotaged myself, but I certainly didn't HELP myself until I really got a grip and recommit myself. Take care. You've done a great job - you don't want to go back to your old habits - so keep trudging along. You can do it!!

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WKLYTTON 3/7/2010 7:57PM

    breathe girl.. breathe.

You are going through some real hard emotions and stress... but I know you can do it. Have a little faith in yourself. You got this :)

Hugs, Kelly

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