I've lost wieght before, even kept it off for a couple of years. It's not something I can't do, or don't know how to do. But it's something I guess I didn't believe I deserved.
This time is different. So very different. No vacation to get into a swimsuit for, no wedding dress to fit into, no Army weight standards to meet. No, this time it's for me. More than ever, even more than when I began this journey on Spark. This time it's for me.
I started Spark on Jan 2nd of this year. It wasn't a New Years resolution. I just got tired of my sister and I telling each other how we needed to lose some weight and I was hating the way I had to camoflage the rolls of fat when I dressed. I knew the numbers on the scale were continuing to rise daily and I had just quit looking at how much. I don't know how I found Spark...I still attribute it to being a gift from God. He knew exactly what I needed, and I will be eternallly grateful.
Only this program would have kept me going and brought me this far. Farther than I had ever imagined. As it turns out, my sister still hasn't decided to come on board...still eats all the same old junk in addition to the healthy foods that I prepare. I certainly didn't sign on for any fitness or exercise stuff, but, now it's such a part of my life that I actually get cranky when something or someone gets in the way of my fitness plans.
Today, I was sooo excited about starting week three of the C25K...and with a real live running buddy to boot. I really wanted to start yesterday, but it was my day off and I'm trying to learn to follow instructions, so I did some circuits and woke up ready to hit the road. My buddy, however, had other errands and appointments that would keep her from meeting me until almost 6 tonight. I looked forward to that run all day, with apprehension because I've not pushed the consistent run time that far, but none the less, I was ready to go. Finally, at 7pm she called to say we wouldn't be able to do our road run until Sunday. Needless to say, I was VERY disappointed. The weather was beautiful today and I could have gotten a good long run in at any time, but had waited for her...and now she was not coming.
This is just one of those situations that, two months ago, would have sent me to the freezer for a big bowl of ice cream and then to bed early...and I was tempted, but then I thought, this isn't about her, and I made the decision not to run earlier. This is for me. I want to feel good. I want to lose weight. I want to dig out fromunder this layer of fat. I want to run this race! So, as much as I dreaded it, I trudged on down to the basement, stretched, and got my butt onto the dreadmill. I was really scared about the rotations on week three...they are the longest of the run lengths and there are not shorter runs in the rotation. I got thru the warm up still not feeling as energetic as I normally do at that point, but I kept going...and I did it! I even got in a mile in just over 13 mins. I would never have believed I could do it! It's not a great time, but it's respectable and I still have over two months to finish preparing for the race. My whole goal was to be able to do the race in a respectable time (under 40 mins and preferably closer to 35). I can do this. I really can. Even in the face of disappointment, I can march through and get it done. One more load of baggage gone - and that was a heavy one!
This time, yes, it's for me. I want it. I'm earning it. I deserve it and I WILL GET IT DONE, only this time, because it IS for me, I will cherish it all the more and I will keep it (off).