80,000-99,999 SparkPoints 95,269

A Hospital Visit

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Thank you, once again, to all of you who prayed for and asked after my husband, Bill, as we went through round three with his kidney stones. His side is sore from the lithotripsy procedure (3,000 hits with sound waves) but he hasn't gone through any of the usual agonies with urinating. That causes us to wonder if any of the two large (of the remaining five) stones in the right kidney was broken up at all. Not expelling any grit can't be a good sign. We'll see when he returns to the doctor April 7th, after his next four week hitch out on his ship. Please remember him in your prayers. This thing ain't over, yet, I'm afraid!

Having not spent a lot of time with doctors or in hospitals, this was all very intimidating at first. By now, though, I'm comfortable with the routine. I pretty much know what to expect for me in it all. Having played this out three times, at two hospitals, I've made some observations and have a few questions.

First of all, when did I, at the age of 50, nearly 51, become unable to determine how much soap I need to wash my hands in the ladies' room??? When I reach under the soap dispenser to pull the lever and get my soap, no lever is there. And foam squirts out. Startling me! Being rather quick with my hands, I managed to see the little blop of foam land on the floor next to the trash can. Being nobody's fool, I caught on fast and managed to get the little blob of foam soap actually ON my hand the second time. Yay, me!

Secondly, who decided to put the sensor on the water faucet in such a place that no matter what you are trying to empty into the sink, the water comes on and soaks it, AND no matter where you hold your hands as you wash, the water won't stay on for more than three seconds before you have to do some kind of hand Macarena dance motions under there to make the water come on again? Is there any way to earn their trust back so that i can be trusted to turn my own water on and off? Can't you just imagine male design engineers breaking out in guffaws as they imagine women juggling coffee mugs, purses, laptop cases, and books as they stand before these 21st Century faucets? I can. I could also imagine fashioning VooDoo dolls that look like them and handing out packs of hairpins to women as they enter! (Okay, that was a joke. I do not advocate VooDoo, curses, or violence against engineers. Honest.)

Lastly, who was it that came to the conclusion that I could not be trusted to know when to flush the potty?!! Am I the only person who finds this insulting? I mean, what if I want to flush BEFORE I get up, which alerts the motion sensor that I'm done. My dear mother-in-law has a certain code of public rest room etiquette and some of it makes a lot of sense. Her philosophy is when you have to make number two, you flush as you go so as to spare the other ladies in the vicinity any unpleasant odors. Makes sense to me. No can do. That would require standing up in the middle of the performance, and we're better off NOT discussing the folly of THAT. So some guy who graduated from toilet design school has figured out that the world is a better place if women are NOT trusted with the all important decision of when to flush the toilet. Again, my intelligence is insulted!

I will give a word of warning to the wise on this matter. Never, under any circumstances, decide to lean down while in one of these robotics ladies' rooms to scratch your ankle while still using the potty. This confuses the motion sensor. The toilet thinks you've gotten up and the WHOOSH from hell occurs, scaring the bijimminies out of you, and it suddenly feels like a vacuum from seven floors below is trying to suck your teeth fillings out through your hiney. It momentarily occurs to you, causing a wee bit of panic, that you will be irrevocably stuck from this monster suction. You find yourself praying you have your cell phone in your pocket and simultaneously wondering who on EARTH you could possibly call to get you out of THIS one if you really ARE stuck!

Not that any of that actually happened. To me. Absolutely not. Really. I just wanted to impart some rhetorical wisdom. *eye roll*
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 1GROVES2
    You are hilarious! I too have wondered about these things, thinking I was probably the dummest person in the world when I can`t figure out how to get soap on my hands, then having figured that out, how do I get water out of the faucet? As for the self flushing toilet...scares a year off my life everytime it happens.
    I do love your sense of humor...finding something to smile about, even in the storm. You are precious. emoticon
    2910 days ago
    Absolutely hilarious just when I was having a down moment I was drawn to your blog and laughed my head off...I'm so happy to let you know I totally agree with your blog....However am sending you tons of prayers about your husband
    2913 days ago
    Evidently,the engineers don't trust our abilities to use paper towel wisely either.That red eye is also on the front of some dispensers and if you don't wave your hand just right ,I am considering going for training for the ground people that provide directions for pilots ,there won't be any bonanza.By the time you get the paper to come out you've already air dried.

    Hope your husband has a thorough and speedy recovery.
    2923 days ago
    emoticon So true! Thanks for sharing what we've been thinking!

    Prayers continue for you and your hubby.
    2924 days ago
  • JUNEBUG4967
    ROTFL about the automatic restrooms! Even funnier when you have been through some/most/all of this. Hope the hubby is better - mine had lithotrypsy a few years ago and still passes something occaisionaly. I think some of that cloudy stuff they saw on his xrays must have solidified!
    2924 days ago
    Oh, my, Missy, this was hysterical! I loved this and I totally agree! I am sorry, though, to hear about your Bill's problems. I am praying for your family. Love, Karen
    2928 days ago
    I will continue to pray for Bill, sorry I was so late to reply.

    Dear God jeep Bill from pain, and please destroy any remaining stones. In Jesus name I pray amen.
    2933 days ago
    Well, what can I say? I should have been wearing a pantie liner when I read that! I wasn't expecting to laugh so hard! First time my baby boys (all grown up now) went into a bathroom with one of those flushers, they came out screaming at the top of their lungs! I can LOL now, but at the time, I thought they were being killed! Crying so hard they couldn't tell me what was the problem! Thanks so much for the great improvement in my day! I feeling kinda dumpy, and now I feel good enough to go for a walk! Best of luck for you and yours. Barbara emoticon
    2934 days ago
    Loved this, laughed out loud at the sheer insult dripping from your tone!!!!
    2934 days ago
    So funny, Missy!
    2934 days ago
  • KAYWEB555
    Oh Please put up a Warning Sign if you are going to be getting us to LOL so hard so we go before we start reading! This is the best LOL that I have had in years!
    I don't think you have had the blessing of seeing the toilet paper electic dispenser. After reaching my purse with my cain, got the kleenex and stood up, then the toilet paper was coming out. Still have not found the secret EYE on this one!
    After three hospital stays for kidney stones, I was seen by a doctor with a DO after his name. One that believes in natural cures told me to try Choline Bitartrate Inositol 500mg. Starting with 5 tablet each day with food. After three months I haven't had any problems and that was three years now! I still take one every day and when I stopped I did after a month start having signs of trouble. He could give it a try. I think one bottle goes for like $8. Will be keeping you both in prayer. Will have to keep my eyes open for more fun on your page! Kay
    2934 days ago
    2934 days ago
  • NANCY1204
    Too funny. My girls used to be scared of the automatic flushing toilets (our Walmart has them). I learned to cover the sensor w/ a piece of tp so it wouldn't flush till they were up & out of the stall. emoticon We don't even fool with those silly sinks anymore either, I carry handsanitizer in my purse.

    Praying for your husband emoticon
    2934 days ago
  • SPARKLE72023
    With your vibrant writing - - and my super-alert imagination, I was ROLLING ON THE FLOOR (figuratively, of course) LAUGHING MY Hinny off!!!! Love your writing style girlfriend! You took the words & complaints right out of my mind!!
    The nerve of those design engineeers - - - ha ha ha - - - having an automatic toilet flusher "attack" my dear girlfriend during what should have been "The Pause That Refreshes."
    hee hee hee

    I'm just now getting around to personal emails - - - oh Lord, so y'all went thru another round at the hospital. Sure hope things will work out for your Hunny! He is being so "extra good" for a man. You know how much men dislike having to get close to doctors, much less hospitalizations. Still praying for you & him even though I didn't realize he had gone back to the hospital.

    Thanks for posting this blog and letting us know how he's doing PLUS making us shake, rattle & roll with big loud outbursts of laughter! You're the Greatest!!
    2934 days ago
    Let's hope all goes well with the next doctor visit. I do hope the last stay was successful.

    And they thought automation was going to make this world easier....
    2936 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    To funny, I have one more bathroom issue, what man decided to put the toilet paper dispenser in the women's restroom at knee level rather than up at shoulder level. Just had to add my 2 cents worth! I will keep Bill in my prayers my friend!

    Sandra emoticon
    2936 days ago
    You have brought a good chuckle, although I have thought some of those thougths.
    You have such a way to making a visual come to life. lol.
    Hope all will be well with Bill when you has his next appt.
    2936 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Abba Father, I stand in total agreement with Nan's posted prayer on Bill's behalf. Thank You, Father, that You are right there with Bill as You work this situation out in Bill's favor & to Your glory. In the most precious name of our Lord Savior, Christ Jesus! Amen

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    2936 days ago
  • GABY1948
    This was just great, Missy! Thanks for the great laugh...and I agree with the bathroom etiquette... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2936 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Oh, Missy, thank you for a delightful chuckle! You truly had both us Visions in stitches.

    My prayers continue to cover your Bill & your sweet self, Missy.

    Our son-in-law had kidney stone breaking surgery today. We have yet to hear how things are going or have gone. We trust that the good Lord has His more than capable hands on the situation.

    Be blessed!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2936 days ago
    Oh, I SO ENJOYED your blog this morning! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You sure know how to make me smile! You had me from the very first! You're such a neat person! emoticon Lori
    2936 days ago
    ROFL ...I agree sister...what evil mind invented this new toilet code...sic...

    Hope Captain Cookie is feeling better...sending prayers...

    (lay hands on Bill hips)
    I command the stones to dissolve and pass out of Bill's body, in Jesus name.
    I command all pain to go, in Jesus name.
    I command the kidneys and all damaged tissues and scar tissue to be healed and restored to normal function, in Jesus name.
    I break off any generational curses, in Jesus name.
    Thank you Jesus!

    Ok All Fresh!!!

    Love ya darlin'
    Nan emoticon
    2936 days ago
    Missy I am praying for you and your Hubby. I also totally agree with you on the whole automated bathroom thing. I however couldn't have put so much humor in it. Thank you for the laugh! emoticon
    2936 days ago
  • LINDA25427
    Great blog Missy Thanks will keep Bill and you in my prayers .Pray everything works out ok. God bless. emoticon emoticon
    2937 days ago
    Sounds like you're getting into the wife at the hospital routine. Isn't it fun! I happen to like the automatic stuff, but I think Wisconsin (where I learned to love this stuff) has better manufacturers. I've seen the kind of handwashers you're talking about, and I'm not fond of them. I'm with you on the toilets, though. In Penney's today, the darn thing flushed four times before I sat down. Very frustrating.

    I hope that your fears about Bill are unfounded, and that lithotripsy worked better than before and not worse. You remain in my prayers.
    2937 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/4/2010 12:05:48 AM
  • FRAN0426
    Thanks for such a good laugh about public restrooms---all to true. Srending best wishes that your hubbys kinney problems start getting over for him soon, prayers for him included each night.
    2937 days ago
    LOL Oh Missy! I so agree! And, one other thing I would like to add is who had the brilliant idea to put the toilet paper on contraption that allows only a couple of squares to come out at a time? Yes, I know...they don't want people wasting it. But come on...then, they have the double roll feature, and of course, the roll you can access is empty. Just try to floow the directions of "slide to access spare roll". HUH? When there is nothing to slide, because the spare roll is locked up....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.I won't even mention narrow stalls with doors that open to the inside, and toilets that sit so low to the floor that a toddler would have to squat way down to get to them.

    Anyway, thanks for the laughs! And know that you and Bill are in my continual prayers.

    Love you much.
    2937 days ago
    I have spent the last 6 nights sitting in a hospital and tonight I am sitting in a Nursing home as I read this. I was laughing out loud and had to get up to shut the door lest the staff think I've LOST IT!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Thank you for a wonderful Blog.
    emoticon You and your Hubby and his Dr will be in my prayers.
    2937 days ago
    I want to share with you that there is an ongoing and VERY REAL problem at places with these automatic toilets that folks accidentally drop things.. like wedding rings.. into the "potty" and if they stand up... whoosh GONE FOREVER... My hubby and my best friend's hubby BOTH lost rings in the WalMart toilets. I agree that it's a nightmare. Public Restrooms everywhere are like this now. I HATE getting a wet hiney from the WHOOSH that occurs if you move even the slightest "wrong" way. GRRR. I'm with you.. give me the good old days. Prayers for Bill and YOU as well being offered up. Love to you, Dawn
    2937 days ago
    emoticon for the much-needed laughs, Missy! My DD's and I have also had adventures in those "robotic ladies' rooms". Funny!

    Thanks for the update on Bill. We'll keep praying!

    emoticon and emoticon
    2937 days ago
    Oh LOL this is so funny and really so true. I know why it is this way. It's all to avoid germs from touching any of these things. But Please. I'll risk a germ.
    Just to contribute. The newest McDonalds in my town has these automated dryers with a force of wind so strong it send ripples across the skin on my hands. It's quite fascinating after you get over you shock the first time you use it.
    2937 days ago
    LOL and thanks, glad to hear hubby is doing better. Hopefully the large stones have been broken up.
    2937 days ago
    Continuing to pray for you all.
    And thanks for making us all laugh so hard.
    YES we can ALL identify! emoticon
    God bless,
    Ruthie emoticon
    2937 days ago
    You and Bill will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
    I have to admit, I almost wet myself reading your blog. It is absolutely terrific and I have to agree with you. But I know for sure, Greg was not involved in this situation at all...not his fault!! ROTFLMBO!!! TERRIFIC!!!
    Blessings and hugs,
    2937 days ago
  • BIGDAD1211
    LOL Listen, it wasn't my fault! I told that guy he was doing it all wrong!
    Great Blog Missy! You crack me up!
    LOL emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2937 days ago
    emoticon for a much needed laugh. This was emoticon funny. (Except Bill's surgery -- continued prayers for his recovery.) -- Lou
    2937 days ago
    I have had my daughter iun another stall say something, and I lean over to hear better. Whoooosh!

    I join you in signing the petition to allow women to be women and for men to trust us!
    2937 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by YATMAMA