Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Thank you, once again, to all of you who prayed for and asked after my husband, Bill, as we went through round three with his kidney stones. His side is sore from the lithotripsy procedure (3,000 hits with sound waves) but he hasn't gone through any of the usual agonies with urinating. That causes us to wonder if any of the two large (of the remaining five) stones in the right kidney was broken up at all. Not expelling any grit can't be a good sign. We'll see when he returns to the doctor April 7th, after his next four week hitch out on his ship. Please remember him in your prayers. This thing ain't over, yet, I'm afraid!
Having not spent a lot of time with doctors or in hospitals, this was all very intimidating at first. By now, though, I'm comfortable with the routine. I pretty much know what to expect for me in it all. Having played this out three times, at two hospitals, I've made some observations and have a few questions.
First of all, when did I, at the age of 50, nearly 51, become unable to determine how much soap I need to wash my hands in the ladies' room??? When I reach under the soap dispenser to pull the lever and get my soap, no lever is there. And foam squirts out. Startling me! Being rather quick with my hands, I managed to see the little blop of foam land on the floor next to the trash can. Being nobody's fool, I caught on fast and managed to get the little blob of foam soap actually ON my hand the second time. Yay, me!
Secondly, who decided to put the sensor on the water faucet in such a place that no matter what you are trying to empty into the sink, the water comes on and soaks it, AND no matter where you hold your hands as you wash, the water won't stay on for more than three seconds before you have to do some kind of hand Macarena dance motions under there to make the water come on again? Is there any way to earn their trust back so that i can be trusted to turn my own water on and off? Can't you just imagine male design engineers breaking out in guffaws as they imagine women juggling coffee mugs, purses, laptop cases, and books as they stand before these 21st Century faucets? I can. I could also imagine fashioning VooDoo dolls that look like them and handing out packs of hairpins to women as they enter! (Okay, that was a joke. I do not advocate VooDoo, curses, or violence against engineers. Honest.)
Lastly, who was it that came to the conclusion that I could not be trusted to know when to flush the potty?!! Am I the only person who finds this insulting? I mean, what if I want to flush BEFORE I get up, which alerts the motion sensor that I'm done. My dear mother-in-law has a certain code of public rest room etiquette and some of it makes a lot of sense. Her philosophy is when you have to make number two, you flush as you go so as to spare the other ladies in the vicinity any unpleasant odors. Makes sense to me. No can do. That would require standing up in the middle of the performance, and we're better off NOT discussing the folly of THAT. So some guy who graduated from toilet design school has figured out that the world is a better place if women are NOT trusted with the all important decision of when to flush the toilet. Again, my intelligence is insulted!
I will give a word of warning to the wise on this matter. Never, under any circumstances, decide to lean down while in one of these robotics ladies' rooms to scratch your ankle while still using the potty. This confuses the motion sensor. The toilet thinks you've gotten up and the WHOOSH from hell occurs, scaring the bijimminies out of you, and it suddenly feels like a vacuum from seven floors below is trying to suck your teeth fillings out through your hiney. It momentarily occurs to you, causing a wee bit of panic, that you will be irrevocably stuck from this monster suction. You find yourself praying you have your cell phone in your pocket and simultaneously wondering who on EARTH you could possibly call to get you out of THIS one if you really ARE stuck!
Not that any of that actually happened. To me. Absolutely not. Really. I just wanted to impart some rhetorical wisdom. *eye roll*