Tuesday, March 02, 2010
First Tuesday of the month is Family Fast Day -- a day to fast (no rules, the heart knows what to fast from -- food, coffee, sugar, bread.. some eat only veggies, it's the act of fasting and not what is fasted from that matters) and devote time to praying for family and families. My prayer buddy Kathy started this several months ago as a way to keep her family connected to each other and to the Source of Life and Truth.
It has grown now, and there are a lot of people who have chosen to join the fast. Everyone has their own reasons, the longings of their own hearts for their families. It has changed things in our families, but also in us. My feelings for my family have grown less frantic and more settled, as it dawns on me that this One who hung the universe has Got This regarding my little concerns too.
For me it is also a day to contemplate my portion -- how the things that have been the most painful have also been the pivotal things, the wake-up calls that have led to stark and meaningful changes for the better in me. I consider and give thanks, acknowledging that the things that have best fed me spiritually have not been the things I wanted but they were good for me, and eventually I grew to crave different things, things that made me fit and strong. I take today to put self-pity far away from me, knowing that self-pity is junk food at its worst.
Today I look at what feeds me and pray for my family to also be fed well, better than I could feed them, better than I could ever know how to. Today I am grateful for a Father who is not indulgent of me or my loved ones, but He is always concerned for what will make me fit for the answer to my prayers, even if it means listening to me scream and fight Him.
Today is a day to stop struggling against His hand of discipline, open my eyes to the goodness that He has portioned out for me, and accept it. I am better for my family that way. I am better for the world around me that way. I am better for myself, not as hungry for things to fill a hole that food can't fill.
Happy Family Fast Day. I pray for your families, too, that you will be filled with good things, that you will see your good portion, really see it, in a way that will feed you and satisfy you.