Will I ever lose the weight?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I have never done this before, so I'm just going to ramble on like I do in my journal. I am sick of being overweight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough to be seen at my son's school, being judged because of my weight (like it makes me less of a person somehow). I want to be able to play with my boys without being winded. I'm not going to even go there about thigh rub, although it's not so bad at this point because they've gotten so big, they don't move anymore in order to rub. I hate the way my body looks, and that's exactly why I'm here. I'm tired of putting myself last in line. I am here for myself. My father has health issues due to diabetes, and most recently had his right foot amputated. Sounds selfish, I know, but I'm scared for myself. I am mostly my father, and after having gestational diabetes twice, I have a greater chance of developing it in the future. I'm worried I won't be here for my boys in the distant future, at least in a good capacity. I don't want to become a burden to them, like my father has become. That sounds horrible, I know, but my mother doesn't have much of a life anymore, and I hate it for her. She's constantly stressed and running him to doctors appointments, and with her heart (and lack of health insurance), she needs to do something for herself. She needs SparkPeople, too, because of her weight, but she has very little time to exercise because of Dad. I try to help out when I can, but with an infant, it's not easy. I can't carry him and push a wheelchair at the same time. Enough for now. I'm done ranting. Got to get the motivation to get on my elliptical, especially since the baby is asleep! :)