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    BDMCLAUGHLIN   17,068
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How do I refocus? Feeling frustrated with myself!


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

So, since just before Christmas, when I hit that magic 100 lbs down, I feel like I have done nothing but lose and regain the same 5 ish pounds. My eating and tracking have gone out the window, my workouts are becoming few and far betwwen, and I am finding old habits resurfacing and the excuses "not to" are starting to overwhelm my thinking.

It is frustrating and demoralizing, because it feels like all of the hard work I have put in the past year is being pushed to the side by my own crappy attitude! :(

I just want to get back to where I was 6 months or so ago: enjoying my workouts, pushing myself hard, careful with my eating, and taking good care of myself.

I have tried "starting fresh" and reevaluating my goals, I have entred in a triathlon in July for a new challenge, we have a new spinning instructor, which is helping to keep my workouts fresh...but nothing seems to work in keeping my attention where it should be. I know that the problem is me, and I am sure there is a lesson in all of this that I need to take with me in order to progress and grow, but right now I just cannot see what it is and I am feeling so negative at the moment that I just don't know how to shake this crappy headspace.

I am 30-40 lbs from goal, and I need to find my momentum again for this last push. How? I feel like I am "bad" because even after all this tme I still fall into the same bloody traps. I am so angry with myself for getting to this point. Then I feel frustrated with myself for being so silly and allowing negative self talk like that to dictate how I feel about myself. Arrrgghh!!! What a silly cycle of self fulfilling stupidity! :S

I need to figure out what will motivate me to get back on track for this final push. Whatwas motivating me before that is missing now? Have my priorities changed? Do my goals need to?? *sigh* I am just so fed up with myself and my poor attitude at the moment. How do I get back on track in my own head? I am pretty sure that is where the problem lies!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BDMCLAUGHLIN 2/26/2010 12:31AM

    I think I am going to take that suggestion and do some before/after comparisons...I will post them as a blog as soon as I get a chance to get them done. Maybe this weekend. :) Thanks again for all of the support and all of the wonderful suggestions. I don't know what I would do without SP! :)
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ADRIENNE29 2/25/2010 7:27PM

    I SO UNDERSTAND your blog! I'm down 120 pounds and have been losing the SAME blasted 5 for over a year now! BUT I decided to refocus the beginning of this year and have turned to weight lifting. I committed to the Oxygen magazine's "YOur best body ever" plan and I am in the tale end of month 2. No changes on the scale, but I've lost inches here and there so far. I even went so far as to hide the scale! It was dictating my mood for the day and I was very unhappy. I've also been thinking on becoming a personal trainer of some sort....but its on the back burner for now. I so completely understand your frustration! I'm going to add you as a friend so we can keep in touch! Good work!

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LINIS_THIN 2/25/2010 7:07PM

    So glad I could help.
For the first time that failure was worth it if I can save you from repeating that mistake.

I suggest you take many pictures of yourself and make slide shows and albums. Even look at videos of yourself modelling your new clothes or gym wear or lingeree or whatever. This will train your mind that this is what you look like now. Accept this. Accept being thinner.

I have been toying with a blog in my mind. "Falling out of love with my fat"

I decided to make this today's blog because it was getting tooo long to be a comment. so come on over to my blog today and read it. (If it is not there when you come I am still typing so check back)

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LOSINGAMBER 2/25/2010 8:53AM

    I think its great you are evaluating why you aren't feeling quite the same push you used to.

I also just wanted to say congrats on your loss so far that is just amazing! Keep up the great work I know you can pull the motivation in from deep and do it.

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BDMCLAUGHLIN 2/25/2010 6:37AM

    Thank you everyone so much for your addvice, support and encouragement! I am feeling in a much better headspace today after a workout last night and a great spinning class this morning. :) I think I need to take a look at all of your suggestions and just get to grips with where I am at. i think that self sabotage is probably dead on the money...now I just need to figure out why. I think a lot of it has to do with trying to come to terms with how I look in this new body, and I am struggling with that a bit. It is scary sometimes, this being a whole new person business!;) Thanks for being there for me, and thank you for helping me to be more honest with myself. :) xx

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SPUNKYDUCKY 2/25/2010 12:20AM

    Curious - do you think you feel less "motivated" because you are more happy with yourself now? Not sure if this affects you but I know it is affecting me, I WANT to be the best I can be, but at the same time 75 lbs down...I am pretty pleased with myself and happy with where I am (not that I want to stay here - I DON'T!!) But I do know that I have had a more relaxed attitude toward the whole thing. I am also trying to get myself back and running at my prior fire. Let's get this done!

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SASSYDI16A 2/24/2010 11:58AM

    I agree with alleycat. I get bored with my workouts alot. Sometimes changing up routines helps. Other times I have to take a step back and reevaluate where I want to go.

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QUIDDITCHGRRL 2/24/2010 9:42AM

    You're actually doing the right thing - thinking!

Possibly you're burnt out. Are you on maintenance right now or still pushing for those last 30-40? Consider maintenance for a month or two, just to ease the pressure a little bit.

Don't ask yourself to do any more than what you're doing right now, and keep that thought process going rather than letting it take hold and drag you down.

Good luck!

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ALLEYCAT_ 2/24/2010 7:03AM

    You have done an amazing amount of work over the past year...AMAZING. Do you realize how impressive your 100 pounds is?! Seriously impressive. I think your body and perhaps your mind need a little break. I like the idea to just maintain for a couple of weeks...give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up for missing a workout...

Then...start slow...just like you did the first time. Get back into the enjoyment of what you are doing. I think you are missing that part now...its a chore that you aren't accomplishing...and in turn it makes you fall into that cycle of frustration.

AND...in the meantime...rework your goals to fit the NEW you...Maybe instead of losing weight the goal is working toward your triathalon...refocus on something that doesn't obsess on those last few pounds because they WILL melt off... I know they will.

And don't forget how amazing you really are and what amazing work you have already done!

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LINIS_THIN 2/24/2010 5:41AM

    Self sabotage is my diagnosis.
I once lost around 30 pounds... the most I have ever lost in my life in one go. Then someone said something about my new figure that made me uncomfortable with the new me and everything fell around me. I regained it all, made 2 other attempts with some success then let it all hang till I got to 70 pounds above my all time low.

This time my plan included a plan for times like those.
I set mini goals which I call my no going back points. I have been fluctuting around the same 5 pounds as well but I decide to be happy here because I lost 20something pounds and whatever happens, those 20 pounds are never coming back.

Humble suggestion. Make your new goal to maintain your 100lb weight loss. That's all! so eat and exercise only enough to maintain that and give your mind a rest from the battle for a while. Do not be afraid all will end because you still need discipline to maintain where you are now. Just love yourself enough to go easy on yourself as long as you need.

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GOING2LSEITNOW 2/24/2010 5:00AM

    It seems as though a lot of people are having trouble staying focused and on track. I wish I knew what the problem was so I could fix it. I used the holidays to go off track and now I can't seem to find the motivation to return. Most of my healthy habits have been replaced with the old ones and my exercise program is a joke. But we can keep trying. emoticon

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