So I think I've completely lost sight of why I'm truly doing this. Back when I was seeing the most results I wasn't doing this to look good or have a certain number on the scale. My main focus was my being a good role model for my daughter and to change the patterns of the women in my family. Somehow I completely lost sight of that. I'll be totally honest, recently I have just been thinking ahh I am not where I should be as far as weight, inches and goal dresses go. Why the heck did I lose focus of being healthy and being a good role model for my daughter and others? I think that might have something to do with why I plateaud. I think it is important to have a combination of things pushing you. For me it's: 1) to be healthy so that I am not like the other women in my family 2) to be a good role model for my daughter 3) to be a good role model for others 4) to feel great about the way that I look through the confidence that I gain working out 5) to not obsess over what size I am or how much I weigh becaues what really matters is how I feel and if I'm healty.

So why the sudden wake up call? My mom ended up in the emergency room, yet again. My aunt, mom and grandma have all had gastric bypass surgery. Grandma and mom's surgeries were after I dropped a lot of weight. The problem is that they have tons of excuses...oh we tried ths diet or that diet and we work out....consistency is the key. I see their lame excuses...sorry but it's true...and didn't want to be that way! So my mom hasn't been taking care of herself since her surgery. She is only thin because she throws up after gorging herself on foods she shouldn't be eating. My aunt gained back a lot of her weight and my grandma is still about 200 pounds overweight. ANyway, my mom has ulcers and a lot of other issues and today she was diagnosed with a heart condition. My grandfather died of heart disease and my grandma has had two bypasses. It's national heart health awareness month and while I've sent out information on this to people, I don't think I truly paid attention. Sure, I'm actually pretty dang healthy and don't really have too many health risks due to weight. I'm still overweight but I'm healthy. Maybe that's why I lost sight? I mean, I got down to a weight I never imagined I'd be at....and I got here a healthy way....complacency? Maybe. All I know is I do NOT want to end up like them and I don't want Azali to end up like them. Thanks to my dear sunny gals I did not give into stress today. You ladies have helped push me this week through some times when I usually would have gave in. ThANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart.

SO I made a plan this week...and of course things changed!

Monday my alarm didn't go off so I had to cut my gym workout short and the lady that teaches the class I was goign to take during lunch couldn't do it. But I did get in my run and ploymetrics and still had a 1000 calore deficit which is my goal everyday. Then today I forgot we had a cusstomer coming in (our biggest customer) and so aerobics st class got cancelled and we were bought lunch. Through this I still managed to get in my spin class and my p90x shoulders and arms and a 1 mile run. I managed to stay in calorie range and not binge eat after visitng the hospital. I had a 1000 calorie deficit again today. TOmorrow is a test....a vendor of ours is taking me to my first real business lunch at a chinese place. I already logged at least part of my lunch and know that I have about 250 calories I can play with and still be in range. I would like for my range to be lower tomorrow....around 1400 since its's a light day with just an hour and a half of p90x yoga. Wish me luck! I can do this!

I feel good. I'm back on track, the viva fire is burning deep within my soul, health and my daughter are a primary focus again...I know that I will never have a perfect body..but why not work at it and make it something I'm happy with? I've come a long way and I should be damn proud of that and continue to push furthe and harder to reach my goals of becoming a personal trainer and an athlete.

PS. I love yoU!