Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Well today has not been a really good day! It began with lots of running to get my errands done and then I picked Laurie up and headed across town to visit with the oncologist who needed to see us today after presenting her case to the tumor board at Wake Forest and five Drs all had differen opinions of the next course of treatment for Laurie. Now I totally understand her tensions and frustrations of the anticipation of what was to come. Well of course when we got there we had to wait now go figure that one right? So when we got in the room the nurse informed us that he had a student with him that would be right in and that just sets Laurie off she hates that but I nicely explain that since he is the BEST at this how cool that he can help another person know and learn what he knows, she doesn't buy into that of course and is almost borderline rude to this young resident when he is trying to ask her questions. Finally Dr comes in and proceeds to tell us that all 5 DRS have varying degrees of reccommended treatment and he feels that as he best can discribe it , she still has cancer the tumor is still there yes it shrunk some but it is STILL there and if they can't keep it from growing it will take her life, pretty blunt words, he reccomends that they put her on chemo for 6 months for now and reevaluate then but could be up to two years if that is what it takes to keep this tumor from growing. Surgery is NOT an option they can't get it no use in even trying and she's had all the radiation she can so this is it. Now this kind of chemo is where she goes into the center Monday for like two hours of a drip of kickstart chemo then they hook up a bag for her to wear home til Thursday goes back in they remove the bag and this will go on every two weeks. The goal is to keep this tumor from growing or showing up somewhere else for as long as possible. Of course there are side effects to any chemo and she had been throwin up over the weekend so more of the same I am sure wasn't a good thought. So after he told us this I said to her well then this is what you have to do you don't have any other options and she about bit my head off in front of the DRS with a retort of she KNEW what she had to do without me telling her. End of my encouragement or discussion and it was going to be a quiet ride home. Laurie is getting the BEST of cancer care from a team of the finest DRS in town FOR FREE! She has NO means so Medicade pays for all this treatment along with the state. She jumped the DR today about them billing her for a $166 bill and said she couldn't pay it and therefore if that had to be she was done play this game with them. I am sure the DRS have seen and heard much worse from patients but I could have died from embarrassement. Sometime the harder you try the worse it gets and so I just kept quiet no point in a huge issue so long ride home. I am sure she need time to let this soak in and I need time to let my feelings go away. Rich reminded me I might bite at people too if it was me who had the cancer which might well be true its just so hard to deal with when you try so hard and then get bit but it will pass. Unfortunately the situation is NOT going to change as this is how it is and she is not going to get rid of this thing our only hope is that we keep it from growing and becoming active again its like living with a time bomb knowing not when it will explode but knowing eventually it is going to do that. On a better note we have some more time...........only God knows how this is going to play out.....
Member Comments About This Blog Post
You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers.
2413 days ago
Cheryl, keeping you and Laurie in my thoughts and prayers. I went through cancer treatments with my dad 31 years ago and then again with Ken's mom 3 years ago. It takes everything out of a person with each treatment...but as long as there is hope...
Our reactions to things are what make us unique. Just continue to be there for Laurie, loving her as long as the Lord allows...
Don't let stress get your best! Walk away, take a deep breath, and refocus your energies on completing what you need to do.
Blessings and hugs,
BTW: Although I have been praying for you and Laurie for many days now, I found this opened on my computer this morning and evidently never hit the post button. You both remain in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS!!
2840 days ago
My Cheryl, All you can do for Laurie now is to keep standing by her which you do every day in every way~Prayers are still being
sent to you both~No one knows why anyone struggling with such a heavy burden, finds their way to get through all of this~She certainally does have an Angel right by her side~You are so very
important to Your Sister during her time of preperation~So many
hugs also flowing~Love Ya Polly
2847 days ago
Cheryl - As Char says... you always hurt the ones you love... or take it out on them. I know I do sometimes with Kevin..... I don't mean a word of it at all... but have to have someone to vent on. You, the Doctor & the Resident just happened to be available when she needed to vent. Venting is a way of getting rid of the anger... letting go of the scared, hurt feelings. Laurie is understandably scared to pieces right now. This is her very life they're talking about. Believe me, I know. Mine is kidney failure, hers is cancer. All you can do is to just continue being there for her as her loving sister, helping her out in any way that you can.... hauling her back & forth to the doctors and chemo, maybe taking her out to lunch now & then if she feels up to it, or just being her shoulder to lean on and listen to her anguish, fears and pain. God Bless Laurie. I will continue praying for her. Cheryl... I'm here for you if you need anything... cry, vent, rant, rave, share, laugh, smiles, tears, joys, happiness, sorrow, pain... my shoulders are big girlfriend. Anytime, day or night, I'm here for you. Love you, Marla (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
2847 days ago
Having kind of been in Lauries' shoes , I can feel her frustration. Mine never got that far. Now if it came back, I would have a fight on my hands. But the initial round went well. It doesn't give her the right to jump at you or the doctors, but fighting for something no matter how bad you want it, doesn't make it any easier. Her not being able to pay for it may have her down also. I don't know Laurie , so can't be sure. It wouldn't matter if she could. it still isn't a reason to jump at people. Too bad you can't get her on Spark. They have a wonderful team called Surviving Cancer. There are a lot of people there who are going thru similar circumstances. It would give her others to talk to and get info from. Chin up my friend.
2847 days ago
(((Cheryl)) I think you handled it all well my friend. Now let all the hurt go... Deep breaths. You know she did not mean any of it. She is so scared and tired of all of this.
deep down, I know that your sister loves you and is so thankful to have you.
Good Luck to Laurie... Hope the new plan will help keep it at bay for a while longer.
2847 days ago
At this time all you can do is love her and be her rock. Will continue sending prayers her way.
2847 days ago
I'll keep praying.
2848 days ago
Cheryl, you did the right thing by dropping the conversation. No matter what we know is the reality, we all hope the outcome will be different...and I'm sure that Laurie entered that room with hope that something could be done. Add to it the resident, her anxiety level probably just got worse. Not sure how rational any of us would be facing what she is. We advise family and friends to just listen to the patient. Sometimes that's all they need...listening and hugs at the end of their rant. Take a deep breath...In the meantime I'll cointinue to pray.
Hugs to both of you!
2848 days ago
CHERTYL SO SORRY THE NEWS COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BETTER BUT THE GOOD THING IS LAURIE DOES HAVE MORE TIME AND I KNOW I WOULD BE THE SAME WAY YOU TAKE IT OUT ON THE ONES YOU LOVE BEEN BITTEN MANY TIME BEFORE AND NOW I UNDERSTAND!MY MOTHER IN LAW GOD BLESS HER HAS CANCER OF THE EYE FOR YEARS AND YEARS NOW IT HAS NOT GROWN AND THE SAME THEY GOT IT TO SHRINK AND SHE IS THE THDR'S BOOK HER CASE SO RARE WE TOOK HER TO PHILI FOR IT AND WHEN I CHANGED JOS SHE ONLY HAD TO GO BACK ONCE A YEAR AND MY SIL STOPPED THAT SAID SHE COULD DO IT ANYMORE BUT I HAD BEEN DOING IT SINCE WE FOUND OUT AND DID IT FOR MANY YEARS WITH NO HELP FROM THEM AT ALL H WELL WHAT YA GOING TO DO. LOTS OF PRAYER FOR LAURIE GO OUT M FRIEND HUGS,CHAR
2848 days ago
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