Monday, February 22, 2010
I saw the neurologist today to be sure my primary care doctor is handling every thing correctly. First of all he corrects the diagnosis. It's not really post concussion syndrome because I never had a concussion. I have post brain injury syndrome.
Then he proceeds to tell me that if I am under stress because it's going to be a lawsuit that may hinder my recovery. According to him people have ideas of making millions on a lawsuit and they just don't recover as quickly. (Feel free to read between the lines.)
Before he examined me he thought it would be a good idea for me to see an audiologist who specializes in vertigo treatment because I may have had a concussion in my inner ear as a result of the fall. After he finished the examination he decided that he could give me some exercises to do and save the money on seeing a specialist.
As I was leaving he told me I could continue to work and I would get better. I explained that I wasn't working and hadn't worked since the fall. (I am an LNA who does home nursing. It requires lots of driving and taking care of the elderly. Being dizzy and not being able to concentrate are not good things to bring to the job. I also still get very tired very quickly. I had told him this.) He said working would be therapeutic.
As I was leaving the receptionist area he said, "By the way, I will be sending these recommendations to your primary." (Again feel free to read between the lines.
I have never felt so insulted by a doctor in my life. I can't afford to sit around and do nothing. I have no money in the bank. Luckily, I have enough things in the pantry to be able to feed my son and me. I am in the process of closing out my retirement accounts so I can pay bills. I work between 70 and 80 hours a week. I probably will never be able to do that again. My whole way of life has been changed, but I will do as much of my job as I can. I will probably only be able to work one job and for only 30 maybe 40 hours. I can't do overnight awakes any time in the near future, if ever. I love my job and the people I take care of.
I can't even do the things I enjoy doing at home. My exercise program is iffy at best. Some days I can do most of my strength training, but other days I'm too dizzy. I love to walk, but even when the weather has been good, I get too dizzy just walking. I have a children's sewing business. This would have been a perfect opportunity to do some sewing since our gift shop opens again on March 1. I can't stand long enough to get anything cut out.
My life is the pits right now and I can't believe the neurologist made me feel like I was at fault. When I explained how I felt to my primary care doctor wen I first saw her she explained that it is a very real condition and trying to push through it will only make it worse and hinder my recovery. I'm tired of this whole thing and I want to feel better.