It's Going to Be a Long Road
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I have been away from Sparkpeople for some time now. It's kind of depressing, I had this sense of motivation and I knew where I needed to go. But then, my head got clogged with all the things I had to do, and the places I had to be at. I lost sight of what I needed, what I wanted, and how to get there. I realized that part of my problem was working 2 jobs which I felt blessed to have but cursed at the same time. I did not have time to do the things I wanted or needed to do. I didn't have a day to myself to do anything because a day off from my full time job, meant a days work at my other. The stress was overwhelming and I became so exhausted I would find myself going home and crashing on my bed, neglecting to take better care of myself.
I made the decision a week ago to put in my two weeks at my part time job. Its sad and I felt blessed to have two jobs because I know many people are struggling to have one. However, I am giving an opportunity to give a job to someone else, and in addition paying better attention to myself and making time to do what I need to do.
One good thing that I have done since I have been absent from the Sparkpeople (temporarily) is that I did sign up at the gym. Yes, I know, I never thought I would actually do it, but I made the leap. I know that I am one out of many people who feared the gym or at least was a bit intimidated. I felt like I would be the center of attention because I would be a new face, and a new body type. However, I realized that those thoughts were put in there by my insecurity and if I never overcome them, my insecurity and unhappiness could fester into something much larger than I can handle.
So, I got the courage to go to the gym, and I even bought new gym clothes to motivate me to go. When I got in there, I looked at the ground and walked to the girl's changing room. I put my coat on the hanger and turned my iPod on and walked back into the gym room and onto an elliptical where I started a very light workout. I didn't notice many people looking at me, and I realized most people looked at their televisions and/or listened to the music and focused on themselves. I felt relieved and more comfortable. I am happy that I made that decision, I now go on a 3 days a week basis, and eventually hope to increase it.