today my husband has his operation and anyone who knows me know i have a real fear over operations with good cause.my grandmother died in an operation so did my mother technically but the drīs mange to revive her on the operation table.also i have myself nearly died three times in or as a result of operations so i feel my fears are understandable but it doesnīt make them any less.what made it worse was my husband was suppose to be going down to the operation 10am.i had sorted out a baby sitter for the baby and took ayyub to kindergarten and saw zakariya to tagesheim then made my way to the hospital which is 1 hour away.got to the hospital 9.10am.as i got the the sister on his ward said in a not too friendly voice you have just missed him you might as well go home.i was gob smacked and something inside me felt heavy.i asked couldnīt i just go quickly to see him and let him know i am here.she said no he is already in the operating theater go home.i said there was no way i was going home i was staying here.then asked how long was the op.she said two hours.like if i had gone home it would be time to come straight back again as the journey would have taken an hour each way.having said that even if it had been a 10 hour operation i would have stayed there.i asked her if there was a place i could wait and she said in an off hand way there is a room at the end of the corridor but it would be better if you went home.i left the ward and the hospital with tears in my eyes thinking what if he dies i havenīt seen him to wish him luck,havenīt let him know that i am here waiting for him,havenīt told him or comforted him by saying it will be all right,havenīt told him that i love him,havenīt given him a last kiss etc,etc.by this time the tears where falling soo much i couldnīt see.i was thinking how would i ever forgive myself if the worst ever happened ,how could i live with myself.then i did the worst thing i could ever do i looked up(while all this was going on in my head my feet had just carried on walking)and saw a supermarket.i went in brought 2 not 1 bottles of diet pepsi and a multy pack(5) of mars bars.they had no singlely to buy.then i went back to the hospital to wait.not only did i eat all 5 of the mars bars(not really noticing i was doing it)i also then went to the vending machine that was in the room and brought some more chocolate even though i couldnīt tell you what chocolate it was or how much i ate.3 hours later the same sister came and said he was now back and the operation has gone well.i was never so pleased to see my husband even though he was still sleeping and didnīt even know i was there.but i could touch him and he felt warm and i could kiss him.so there we have it.my fear and my eating.of coarse i could kick myself for all that pigging and i wont even attempt to work out how many calories i ate in that 3 hour period,i also donīt want anyone else to work it out for me either.i just donīt want to know .but i will try to be good for the rest of the week to make up for it.just hopeall the stress of all the normal daily stuff plus the traverling to and throw to the hospital to visit my husband and my sonīs therapies that i donīt get so stress out again that i end up pigging.on the plus size i will be getting in extra exercise walking as the hospital is a bit away from the train station.will keep you informed.