Monday, February 15, 2010
My mother had a surprise visit to the hospital a few days ago, perhaps a mild heart attack, and a medical procedure (angioplasty) while she was there. Scary enough.
But when she awoke from the procedure she was literally out of her mind, fighting, kicking, hitting. So disturbing and frightening. She stayed that way for over 24 hours, with us not knowing why, really, or when or IF she'd return to normal.
Thoughts of assisted living and nursing homes plagued my dreams. Not many dreams, because I didn't sleep much.
Finally, today, this afternoon, just a short while ago, my Aunt called me and said, "She's BACK". I called her room and talked to her and she sounded good, like herself, like my mother. I was so relieved I just burst into tears.
I have lived a stressful life and handled stress well all those years, raising my family, holding down my job, no matter what the stress.
So why, now, can I no longer seem to handle any real stress? Stress seems to manifest physcially in my body almost instantly. My body just shuts down; collapses. I can't sleep. This makes it much, much worse. I stay in the bed and do breathing exercises, thinking I'm going to have a heart attack of my own, I just feel so bad.
I don't know what happened to my stress-defense. It's gone. I have to find a way to get it back. Or at least stay aware of what's happening so I don't make it worse. Or find some good way to relieve it.
Anyway, it's over now. This time. I feel better again. Tonight I'll sleep and tomorrow I'll start the day fresh.
Thank you all who expressed such sweet sentiments and helped me through this difficult time.