Saturday, February 13, 2010
I knew if I let myself go out to eat, I would not be ordering something from the "approved list." We all know what that is. I'll give you a hint: it's not ribs or pizza or a big greasy bacon cheeseburger. Yeah, I know, some of us can eat those foods in moderation. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them. If I started on one of those items, it would have led to more of the same probably for days. Then, I would have to will myself to start again. Gosh, I'm getting exhausted and stressed out just thinking about it. Hence, I ate at home. I had a grilled cheese sandwich on my bran for life bread with my earth balance spread and a huge side of veggies. It was fine.
There are days I can eat out and order what I'm supposed to eat but I knew that tonight wasn't one of them, so I chose not to there and fool myself into thinking that this time would be different. Because it wouldn't. One thing I've learned from all the mistakes I've made: I've learned from all the mistakes I've made.
I'm an emotional eater. It's celebration time because I have no class on Monday so even though I have school work, the school work is more manageable and I don't have class again until Wednesday night. It's party time. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Let's get the party started. My mood, still remembering past habits, wants me to go celebrate with food like the "good ol" days.
I want to be thin again. I want to be healthy. I want to wear the clothes I used to wear and feel the way I used to feel. I have to be strong. I have to think of myself as someone who keeps to her promises and doesn't give in just because it got a little tough. I can't eat healthy just when I'm in the mood for it. It just doesn't work that way. I really am worth more than that.
If I had the will I would have made a fancier healthier alternative, but I'm still beat. I had to go to the college library this morning to work on a project with my partner and I have to do a PowerPoint presentation for class on Wednesday; I have to start on this huge paper, etc., etc. I'm done. The grilled cheese was really good. I was happy with the meal. All was well.
Anyway, I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day. Hope you enjoy yourselves and get to spend some time celebrating it the way you want to celebrate it. I love you, SparkFriends. You folks have been the GREATEST friends in the whole world and you help keep me strong so that I can get through these difficult moments. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, SPARKFRIENDS!!!
You guys really rock!!!!!