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    SHERRYWILSON   25,738
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depression

Friday, February 12, 2010

depresson is quite bad thing i'm coping the best i can i miss my old self i wish i could go back to being my positive me self boy i try to make it through the day is a chore for me these days i don't know what reALLY HAPPENED HERE i was doing great but now i just can't stay focused on aNYTHING IT'S MAKING ME SO ANGRY the crying all the time for no reason at all i goto counseling to try to work through it but i also found out i have bipolar with anxiety and depression mixed she said the bipolar is making me angry my anger turns to depression and anxiety all they can do for mew is put me on meds at this point i'm ready been long 3 weeks og going back and fourth. my boy is doing great why would i be upset or anxious about that he's 17 not like he wouldn't be moving out soon anyway i was dealing ready for that i just don't understand why i am feeling this way now yeah last year was tough but i got through it or so i thought i guess it caught up with me now. we are all doing good besides my depression i'm staying confused and unhappy the sad part is why i don't know if i knew what it is i could fix it i got 3 kids and a grandson now all them are fine my husband is fine no heart problems going on right now i just feel like not being around no one not my husband or my son that really hurts me they are not the issue it's just my mood swings i'm just not the same emotionally or mentally or physically i got to get better soon i'm tired but not suicidal at all thank god for that he did bless me there so far

my son is doing well at thunderbird youth academy. why should i feel bad. the sad thing is i'm so proud of him. he didn't have to go there and he did for himself and not anyone else. i'm glad he chose it for him self. it makes me feel good too. even though i don't see him every day or hear his voice i get letters all the time. it's not like no contact at all. we get phone calls too on week ends. i do not see why i am going through this bought of depression. i'm truely happy and proud of my son! i couldn't say that before last year we had a very rough year. but we got through it. we get to go pick him up the 26th and visit for the week end. that's good. i feel i did the right thing for helping him make the choice and do right for him supporting him through all this he will do great we know it we swee a big change in him already we all was so ready for this change just to get some inner peace and quiet for us all to really to take a break from each other every one needs quiet time and sometimes a seperation when things are to hard to handle right now thunderbird is my son's peace is how i feel and he might feel that too on one hand his blessing to feel like he can make good choices learn self esteem there he so needed he will be able to handle the difficulties that life throws at him who wouldn't be proud my oldest daughter with the grandson moved out when she was 18 but i was ok with that i think it is just the stress i been under the last year finally buckled i felt like i could over come anything back then today it's a struggle to goto town or exercise i been trying to do things to keep me busy nothing works i get so side tracked. then i get mad and cry i stay tired all the time now just really don't care to do aything eating i have noticed i don't remember to do unless i'm looking at a happy place like chips or cookies in which i don't have right now but i so do want them i'm so glad i don't i would eat every single one then be upset for that trying to focus ansd stay on track has been so hard for me these past few months maybe thats why i'm depressed i don't know really with everything else i been trying to t urn to exercise to et the result for the stress to go away i'm just tired of feeling this way i miss my old self i made an appointment to see if meds would help me right now. since i never really had meds before for my anxiety i hope it works. i hope i am a better person than before. i am a good person i know that sometimes life takes ya by surprize says bo yah you can let go of my horns now. sherry
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ZAHNASGRANDMA 2/12/2010 4:41PM

    I feel your pain, I am no stranger to depression and anxiety. I am working hard at trying to be happy and find something positive each day.

I read your post, and stopped to say a prayer for you and your family.


Hope that some how my words and the words of the others on your blog bring you peace.



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AGIRLCALLEDLUKE 2/12/2010 2:21PM

    Remember that meds take time to work, and it may take trial and error to find the one that works for you. Try not to get discouraged.

And, you should know that depression meds were actually designed to be short term - 9 to 18 months. Afterward, you have to ramp back down on dosage and live through a bit of what feels like you are back where you started, but it does get better in a couple of weeks. Then you can be med free and happy!

Good luck.

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DEEJACKSON 2/12/2010 1:59PM

    Hang in there, "This too shall pass"



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ULTRAVIOLET75 2/12/2010 12:39PM

  I'm sorry you're going through this, I don't suffer with depression myself but have family members that do, so I know a little about it. I agree with AMYJO713 , when we have kids they take over our lives and we forget to look after ourselves!
Although I'm starting to realise that I'm important too, thanks to the support of Sparkpeople!

Thank-you for being so honest, it really takes guts to be that open and I admire you for it!

All the best
Wendy x
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AMYJO713 2/12/2010 12:11PM

    Thank you for sharing. I too really struggle with depression and anxiety. I think what happened to me happens to a lot of woman tho - and its so simple - its hard to believe. We lose ourselves. We love everyone else. We forget to make sure we're happy too. We sacrifice so much to be sure that know one else has to sacrifice anything! We think we're doing the best thing - but really - we a killing ourselves - spiritually, emotionally and physically...It has taken me a few years to see this - but I finally respect it - and I am trying to change my ways for the better...

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AAEBERT 2/12/2010 12:09PM

  Sherry,

I have fought depression and anxiety for 20+ years. Just the past year, I came completely off ALL my meds and have been able to stay off.

I have learned that I CAN fight off the depression AND the anxiety attacks, if I try hard enough. What I now do, when I feel 'it' coming on, I pop in the most difficult exercise DVD I have, and I give it 130% intensity. I yell, I cry, I scream, and I work it out. Normally, by the end of the workout, I'm completely physically exhausted, not hungry, and DONE being depressed. All I can do is drink ice cold water, after I take a nice long shower. lol

I'm not saying it works 100% ALL the time, but it helps me to get all that negative emotion OUT of my system, and I don't have to think about it anymore. At least not til the next time.

Good luck.

Alicia

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