How to grieve.

Friday, February 12, 2010

My uncle passed away this week. He was 52. He has two little kids and a wife. He was sick for the last few years, had been battling brain tumors. His oldest son, on that night, said "i'm happy for my dad." such wisdom for such a young person.

Everyone has been grieving and preparing for so long. He went in to Hospice in late December. By now it seems like they are all relieved, ready to move forward. When my mom called me to tell me the news, she said (later in the conversation), 'well, i think it's about time to take down the kids table from Thanksgiving. In fact, i think it's about time we have Christmas.'

I didn't take the time to visit, to deal with it all, while he was sick. I saw him twice. So i have to deal with it all now. It effing sucks. It just breaks my heart to imagine losing a parent, to imagine what my aunt and my cousins are going through. But i feel pretty good about the way i'm dealing. The old me would have bottled up my feelings, hid in bed all week. But instead, i went to work, even though i cried in the stairwell. I went to the gym, i am cooking healthier versions of my Yiayia's recipes, to bring to the family gathering on Saturday. I have found, actually, that cooking and feeding others is very cathartic.

I'm not sure how the family togetherness will go. I try not to associate myself with some of the relatives on that side. I guess i'll just have to be polite and keep a distance, and keep in mind (despite what they'll probably think,) Saturday is not about them.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So sorry for your loss.
    I hope you can all manage to just be there to love one another. What a good idea to gather.... but, then, I'm Irish. We do lonnnng wakes, of rousing stories and sharing laughter and tears and songs. I'm lucky that way.
    Do take time to be alone and to breathe into the grief. Do take time to let yourself drop into the sadness.
    It comes and goes. Comes and goes. Like life and breath.
    (I just lost my brother in December- and I still get caught by surprise that I'll never yell at him, laugh with him, play pool with him again...)
    2896 days ago
    My deepest sympathies to your and your family. Crying is good for you. I wish you peace on Saturday as you gather with your family to honor, remember and grieve your uncle.
    2897 days ago
  • TAPPY49
    Sorry to hear about your loss and expressing your thoughts here is a perfect way to think out your feelings. Grief is never easy and there is no wrong or right way to do it. You have to do what works for you. Good luck with things this Saturday.
    emoticon emoticon
    2897 days ago
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