Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Yesterday when I went into work, I found that the schedule had been changed and I had lost my only day off this week with my husband.
I was very ticked off, but I need the hours, so I had decided I would go ahead and work the shift. I would, however, be sure to let whoever changed it know how rude it is to change the schedule when you're into the workweek without making sure that it will not be inconvenient for everyone involved.
I work a minimum wage job, so it's not like I do something truly important, or life-changing, or anything. I don't, and it really feels that way this morning.
I've already called in for the day. Not because of the reasons I wanted to yesterday morning when I learned of the change, either.
After I got home from work, I got a call from the doctor's office. That pap smear I had last week? It's abnormal. I spent the night barely able to sleep, tossing and turning, and woke up at 6:30 this morning thoroughly freaked out. I know it's probably nothing. I know whatever cells she found that were abnormal stand a strong chance of being gone by the time I go back in three months to have a follow-up. And that even if something is really wrong, cervical cancer takes a long time to develop -- if you are having regular pap smears, your chances of actually getting cervical cancer are very low because the changes are detected before it forms.
But I'm scared, and I feel helpless. And the idea of being trapped at work for eight hours, exhausted and feeling like I could have a panic attack at any moment made me pick up the phone and call in. I feel guilty, and scared I'll get in trouble for it, but I just couldn't do it. In the end, I owe me more than I owe them. And I need a day with my husband, even if all I do is lie in bed with his arms around me.