Sunday, February 07, 2010
Well...life changes. After staying most of my days and nights in Jan. with my dad, he passed away 2 weeks ago. I stayed in his room at the Hospice Center and had the privilege of caressing his face, head and hands as he finally gave up his fierce battle to stay alive and breathed his last breath. What an honor to feel his spirit move on .......
I ate out 3 times daily and stayed on the program. (no emotional eating until today when I had a minor melt-down). Tried to keep up the 10k steps/day..but being awakened every 2 hrs throughout the night and difficulty returning to sleep left me pretty exhausted. Only gained a couple of pounds though and now they're gone again.
Seems like grief falls into 3 categories:
1) The things that were, that you are now missing;
2) The things that we wanted to be, but weren't;
3) The things we want, but we fear will never be.
Time to turn to the things I can control...like what I eat and how much (or little) I move my body.
As I was planning my first day home, I listed what needed to be done. I had the most radical thought I've ever had!
First, I had to get my financial info updated & organized for taxes immediately. Then I heard myself saying, "And you have to devote a couple of hours to exercise TODAY. Exercise is just as important as the very most important thing on your list." Say what???!!!?? Since when??!!!!
I had to absolutely force myself outside on Friday for a snowshoe hike. My body did not want to go. But we (my body & I) went..and I made it up the first steep mountain and on to another steep mountain. Then enjoyed the beautiful view over the valley looking toward the Continental Divide of the Rockies.
After a 2+ hour hike (burning 924 calories), I heard myself saying, "What if you had talked yourself out of this and missed this incredible experience...a magnificent day, clear blue sky, "diamonds" reflecting off the snow, the view, peaceful solitude, all the wildlife tracks...what a loss that would have been!!!" There's nothing like this inside that house on the sofa and there never will be!
That memory will motivate me again this week. The hardest part is getting the layers of clothing on and getting out the door. From then on...it's magnificent! Just Do It!