Anniversary Number Three at SP ... Random musings on Change
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Over three years ago I realized I was fat, out of shape, developing weight related health problems, tired all day long, stressed to the max, and faced a significantly higher risk of a repeat bout with Cancer. And looking old to boot.
That was one of the luckiest days of my life.
It’s easy to slide though life accepting the status quo. Things seem “okay”, “good enough”, or “I can live with it”. But why? Why settle? Why does the fear of change seem seem so frightening when the rewards of change can be so tremendous?
The day I woke up realizing I hated what I’d done to myself was important because the pain of admitting I was unhappy gave me the courage to face many aspects of life that were out of balance. It was not so much the weight gain as the discrepancy between who I wanted to be, and who I was allowing myself to become. Ironically the situation came partly because my appreciation for living through cancer had caused me to recognize so many good things in my life to enjoy after my brush with death … I had not learned to say no. I was grasping greedily at whatever came my way, whether it was a new work opportunity or a chocolate chip cookie. My house was cluttered, my body too big. My schedule had no room for error. ENOUGH.
My earlier blogs talk about my first steps on the path. Finding SP. Learning about nutrition, and practicing what I’d learned. Understanding the role of fitness, and loving how it feels to be strong. Clearing the clutter from my home as I cleared the clutter from my body. Life is so much better now! It isn't just, or even mainly, the weight loss. It is waking up feeling strong. Knowing I can achieve more than I ever thought possible. Life is very good!
And yet … life remains a work in progress.
It has taken me a long time to realize that my inner cry of “ENOUGH is ENOUGH” meant not just food, not just material things, but also opportunities to do good. My schedule is bloated from too many “yes, I will take on that task” decisions. My newfound energies are all too often squandered on minutia, which is no better for the spirit than empty calories are for the body. The rush of agreeing to take on a new task is like the rush of too much sugar – fun for awhile, but the crash afterwards … it is hard.
So, once more, ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Change is needed, and it’s as urgent a need as before. That begins now. But this time, change is a familiar path! In three years, I’ve learned so much about how to set goals, set limits, and that doing this actually will enhance my joy in life, and not be a deprivation. A slip? That is a signal that it’s time to take two steps forward! Feel weak? Keep up the consistency – and you’ll someday be doing pushups on your toes. That’s the SP trajectory. That’s – well, that’s life. Every day, every moment, we have the opportunity to start over from where we are. Not where we wish we were, or where we used to be. Where we ARE. And I am looking forward to starting from where I am. Lokoing forward to setting achievable goals, taking my baby steps, and exploring the freedom that comes when we choose the boundaries we set rather than accepting the boundaries others set for us.
Thank you, Spark People! It’s been a wonderful three years! I am forever grateful for the support I've received from so many in achieving my health goals ... and for lessons I'll use for years to come, refining my life, removing my clutter, and seeking to become my best possible self.