Thursday, February 04, 2010
I don't much feel like the little engine that could right now but more like the freight train who has a stuck brake. Why is it that even though I know I should not eat certain foods, I may not really be hungry, I still want them. The temptation has been too much for me twice. Yesterday I had to have some chips. I counted them out, finding whole chips only to allow myself the one serving I had settled for and then today with a quarter cup of chocolate ice cream.
On a positive note, I didn't have any more than the chips I counted out and I only had 1/4 cup of measured out ice cream where as weeks ago I would have had a bowl of chips and a 1/4 carton of ice cream. So, I have improved, but what is the control that food has over me? Why must I eat because it is there? I am in a happy marriage, have lovely children, I am looking for work though I am happy to stay home with my boys for now. What void am I trying to fill with that food??? Why do I have to be addicted to it? How do I change it so food is not always on my mind? Is food addiction, dare I call it that, like other addictions where you have to take it a day at a time?