Thursday, February 04, 2010
I think I've been trying to hold on to the good feelings that I've been experiencing. However, tonight, I was awakened rather abruptly. Tonight I was walking my dogs like I do most nights around the same neighborhood as I've done for many years. Harry, my 2 year old Lhasa/poodle, ran across the street to meet a collie that was leashed and being biked by his owner. The collie became upset as well as his owner and he dropped his bike and started kicking my dog, Margo, my 14 yr old blind shih/poodle. Yes I admit I've been walking my dogs in our neighborhood without their leashes and I was too self absorbed to realize that my actions could frustrate other owners. It ended ok with me apologizing to the man and him yelling that I should leash my dogs. You know he's right and I am ashamed that this whole thing happened. I will keep Harry on a leash as he needs it. What I became aware of, however, is that I feel awful when I displease others, even strangers! Perhaps in this instant case, it is appropriate that I feel contrite. But this feeling of not being a "good girl" has been felt many times before whether or not contriteness is called for. I may have erred in not leashing my dog and I agree. BUT I am not a lesser person regardless of what I've done or did not do. There must be a place where I can have confidence in who I am and be able to admit that I was wrong without losing sight as to who I am. I am worthy to be alive!