Thursday, February 04, 2010
I hate the way I look in my profile picture. I have been avoiding pictures for a long time. If photos are taken I avoid looking at them.
I have now stuck to my diet for 38 days and have lost 14.5 pounds as of my last weigh-in. I calculate my loss per day to figure out when I will reach a 'good' weight. I calculate and calculate. I graph. I use math to avoid living in the moment. I could bore the reader and myself with my calculations but I'll refrain.
I have not indulged for 38 days. I should be at my goal weight now! I should not have to look at an ugly profile picture! Getting out of denial makes me want to hibernate because if I had acknowledged how ugly I am I would never go out in public.
These are the dirty thoughts that run around inside my head. These are old thoughts. I will continue on my process to cure myself from my unhealthfulness and my distorted thinking. I WILL succeed this time.