Women's Changing Room Etiquette...
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
In the past week I have spent more time in the women's changing room then I have in a while. Now keep in mind all I am doing is walking in with my workout buddy, putting our stuff in a locker and repeating at the end of the workout, but trust me this is MORE than enough time in this very awkward place. Now I can only comment on the situation going down in the women's room because I do not change in the men's area, but after a few encounters I'm thinking it couldn't be any worse. When you walk into the changing room there are posted rules outside the entrance about leaving children of the opposite sex over a certain age out of the are, how the club is not responsible for lost or stolen items, but one rule that is not posted and should be is the one about indecent exposure. You know what I'm talking about and if you are one of these people please take notice. That's right I'm talking about the super naked older women flaunting what God gave them in front of him and the rest of the world inside of the changing area. Now I know what you're thinking, come on its a changing room people are going to be naked at some point to accomplish the whole changing issue. I have just one thing to say to that point of view: WRONG! Look if you come into the changing area with the intention of switching clothes then do just that...and quickly! This is not a stripper's paradise. I repeat: you are not to walk around naked exposing all of your unspeakable parts to the world. No one wants to see that, and if they do, do it at home! Now there are many versions of the naked woman syndrom that we have run into at the gym...pay attention because I might be talking about you! 1) The large and in charge naked woman. This woman is unaware that her rolls have developed second rolls and they are all spilling out with no clothes to cover them. Now I'm not trying to sound cold hearted...I too have rolls upon rolls but that's why when I need to change I either do so at warp speed facing a corner or I run into a bathroom stall and spin around into clothes so fast Superman and his telephone booth would be impressed. If you must undress do so at a timely pace. The other day I was flashed by a full frontal bush to the face because some woman was just casually sitting around as she had apparently decided to air dry from head to toe...not acceptable! I had to run to the eye doctor to make sure I wasn't scared for life! Come on people have a little pride...this is not a sauna room, we can see you! (Props to my workout buddy on the past quote). 2) I am sad to say that I missed this rare spotting but thank goodness for my workout buddy...that of the topless oriental woman in clogs. This is one changing room run in I totally would have accepted because you just don't see it as often as the overweight naked woman. Supposedly the rare beast was spotted wearing no top, a rap around towel posing as a bottom and a pair of clogs just waltzing in and out of the changing room! I am almost speechless at this spotting! I will keep you posted on more unacceptable sightings in the changing room but lesson of the day: put some clothes on!
A special etiquette lesson goes out to my now favorite employee to mess with at the club. She's about 5'3", on a power trip and can be spotted chasing down younger members who she feels she can boss around. News flash lady: I'm way ahead of you. So yesterday my friend and I are checking into the club, we swipe our cards and start heading towards the now infamous changing room, the only fear in our minds was what naked beings would be around the corner when we entered. Avoiding two frontal bushes and a near brush with a side boob I thought I was homefree as I unloaded my keys and bag into a nearby locker. That's when the b* arrived. "Girls, (as if we were 12) one of your cards is not current. You'll need to come with me to the front desk!" Wow, and I thought my days of being sent to the principal's office were over when I graduated college. I swear to you the changing room went quiet and I thought I was being transported back to sixth grade where everyone oooo's and ahhh's when you are get in trouble. Now, if you must know my friend is using my sister's pass so that we can tackle our weight goals together. We're not doing anything wrong. We're still paying for two monthly passes, so what's the harm? For all you innocent thinkers out there who are wondering if we got thrown out of the club, take a few notes. When put into a sticky situation where it is in your benefit to lie, rise to the task, think quickly on your feet and put all that accumulated b-s* that you usually use on a job interview to use. Watch and learn...So I meet the power ranting b* at the desk and begin problem solving. She tells me that my card is not current and I explain that my membership is connected to my mother's and that is comes out automatically each month. To this she simply rolls her eyes, even though she knows the information I have provided is completely 100%. Next she attempts to patronize me for showing up with my mother's card when clearly she is not here. Oopsies I must have grabbed the wrong card. Good recovery. Next I am instructed that I must use a guest pass even though we have three memberships with the club. When I question this move as being silly and suggest that they simply activate the card I am told with great emphasis that my mom will have to authorize that move...yeah I'm 23 not 12 thank you. So I roll my eyes, acting like the 12 year-old she has pegged me as and go back to workout. Just when the b* thought she had me under control I called the place when I got home, said I was my mom and fixed the whole thing. BOO-YAH! Take that power struggling b* :) Aw man I hope I see her tonight when we work out so I can smile, wink and then as we turn flip her the bird...in my mind of course, that would just be unlady like.
As always I will be here until the weight is not. Happy working out and don't let anyone push you around on your quest to drop the pounds!
Feeling empowered and skinny Tony,